Scott’s Raw Recap 5/5/14

Order is restored. (Courtesy WWE)
Order is restored. (Courtesy WWE)

Monday Night Raw
May 5, 2014
Albany, New York

We head right into the arena and are joined immediately with a title match to start.

20-MAN BATTLE ROYAL FOR THE UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP

Apparently the Authority ordered this match for Dean Ambrose, obviously as punishment for what happened last night at Extreme Rules. Among those in the battle royal are Big Show, Mark Henry and some other guys who could easily clean house. As I look through the ring I do notice Cesaro isn’t in the ring because that would be way too obvious. What the hell is Santino Marella doing in this match? Xavier Woods is out, then R-Truth. Could Goldust win the US Title? Titus O’Neil is eliminated. Sin Cara is eliminated, along with Fandango. Damien Sandow is eliminated. Ambrose is still in there. We get a moment when Mark Henry and Big Show are the only two standing, and they go at it. Big Show is eventually eliminated by a bunch of guys. Henry is eliminated the same way. Goldust is eliminated, then Cody. How sad is it that Dolph Ziggler is eliminated by Santino? The final five is Rybaxel, Ambrose, Sheamus and Jack Swagger. Ambrose eliminates Axel, then battles Ryback on the apron. Ambrose wins the battle, then eliminates Swagger. It’s down to the champ and Sheamus. A brogue kick later and Sheamus win the US Title, ending Ambrose’s 351-day reign. Does this begin the heel turn? WINNER, AND NEW US CHAMPION: Sheamus

After the match out comes COO Triple H, who tells the Shield that last night was an unforgettable war but the Shield was lucky. Later tonight the Shield’s luck will continue changing when they face the Wyatt Family in a six man tag match.

Adam Rose’s “Exotic Express” debuts later tonight.

Renee Young is with Sheamus who is getting some boos, and says he was done spinning his wheels. He says to Ambrose, “No Hard Feelings Fella”. Maybe this starts the heel turn.

We get still shots from last night at Extreme Rules, when Daniel Bryan survived Kane to retain the WWE World Title.

Backstage Daniel and Brie are talking cutesy when Stephanie McMahon comes in and says beating Kane last night only pissed him off more. So for their safety Stephanie recommends staying in the locker room until Daniel’s match later tonight.

MATCH: Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro

Isn’t this over yet? RVD is selling some facial injuries from smashing his face on a garbage can after a missing Froggie splash last night. Heyman continues the “Brock beat Taker” schtick. Eventually we need to see Brock again. RVD could have easily lost his eye last night, similar to his ECW injury back in the day when he almost lost his eyelid on a piece of a table. A solid enough TV match that sees Cesaro show somewhat of a nasty side and starts just beating and kicking RVD In his bad eye until the referee just disqualifies him. WINNER BY DISQUALIFICATION: Rob Van Dam

RVD is all out of it in the ring and Heyman gets Cesaro to walk up the ramp.

The guys at the table pitch the Network referral program, where for every person you refer to the WWE Network you get a $25 gift card from wweshop.com

Back from break and the Wyatt Family is in the ring. Bray Wyatt says Abigail told him he was born to lead. He says the world has very wicked ways. He spins his tunes about how he was treated by society but now it’s a glorious day because last night he became somebody. We go back to last night when the kid with the creepy voice freaked out John Cena and cost him the cage match. Bray says you can’t fool the children, because they are the foundation. He continues to spout about how the message is leaving John Cena and that even the children are leaving Cena’s side. The promo is one of Wyatt’s greatest and I can’t give it justice. Check it out on wwe.com in full. It’s definitely worth the watch.

MATCH: Ryback vs. Cody Rhodes

This is, of course, after some possible miscommunication during the battle royal where Cody may have eliminated Goldust. The commentators continue to talk about that. The match is pretty solid and goes back and forth. More miscommunication as Cody goes to the top rope but Goldust battles Axel outside, Goldust hits the post and Cody loses his balance. He falls into Shell Shock and takes the loss. WINNER: Ryback

Backstage Daniel and Brie are upset that they are barricaded in their locker room. The lights go out and there’s a Kane mask on a light. They leave and run into Stephanie, who offers to have their car pulled into the building.

Back from break and Los Matadores are with the victorious #midgetmantaur with a Cinco de Mayo celebration. They are predictably interrupted by 3MB, who wants to offer a truce or else. El Torito offers Hornswoggle candy. He takes it at first then spits it out and punches #midgetmantaur in the face. Los Matadores gets the upper hand and Hornswoggle is tossed from the ring

Bolieve! This is terrible. I’m just not into it. It was a fine character on NXT, but he might as well have joined the Wyatt Family.

MATCH: Rusev vs. Kofi Kingston

Lana continues the storyline about Putin being the most powerful world leader. I’m not going anywhere with this for fear of losing readers. So continuing with WWE’s shortening of names, he’s now just Rusev. Fine with me. Another squash. WINNER: Rusev

Daniel and Brie were about to leave but Stephanie stops them and tells Daniel he has to wrestle tonight or he’d be in breach of contract.

MATCH: Alberto Del Rio vs. Daniel Bryan

Is it offensive that Stephanie is in charge of being the heel in the World Title storyline? Who really cares to be honest? As long as the matches are good. This match is good and Bryan wins with the Yes Lock. WINNER: Daniel Bryan

The match ends and Kane’s music plays. They get to the care but it won’t start. Daniel lifts the hood, and when he closes the hood Kane is in the back seat. They brawl and Daniel gets Kane off of his car. They leave but Kane gets up.

Don’t be a lemon, be a Rosebud. Adam Rose’s debut later on.

INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Bad News Barrett © vs. Big E

Barrett says the ugly sloths in the crowd doesn’t deserve a champion like him. The guys are complaining that Big E needs to keep the match in the ring but they are brawling outside. Big E was outwrestled at every turn and can’t get an advantage. Big E goes for the finisher but Barrett makes him lose his balance with a rake to the eyes and he hits the Bull Hammer for the win. WINNER: Bad News Barrett

Barrett didn’t seem to get the face pop from the crowd that he got last night at Extreme Rules.

John Cena will be live on Main Event tomorrow to discuss last night’s match with Bray Wyatt.

Mr.T gives us a special Mother’s Day message.

Zeb Colter comes out with Jack Swagger and rips people who celebrate Cinco de Mayo because all they want to do is get “dog drunk and vomit on themselves”. Zeb instead has his “deportation” list. It’s Cesaro, Heyman, Paige, Emma, Santino and Sheamus. He is interrupted by the party, and our long awaited debut! Adam Rose comes out and dances with his cronies, and Zeb escapes. So no actual match. That’s silly.

MATCH: The Shield vs. Wyatt Family

What was maybe one of the PPV matches of the year back at Elimination Chamber gets another rematch here. Incidentally this “Crisley Knows Best” on USA is dreadful television. These two teams also met the night after Elimination Chamber on Raw. The match is great as expected with some good work by Seth Rollins. The brawling is endless and eventually the Shield is in the ring with Bray Wyatt. They’re about to set up for the power bomb when Evolution comes to the ring. Eventually Bray recovers to hit Sister Abigail on Roman Reigns for the victory. WINNERS: Wyatt Family

Evolution beats the Shield down. Orton DDT’s Rollins. Batista poorly spinebusts Ambrose on the steps. Reigns ducks away from a Pedigree, but eats an RKO. Then the Pedigree. Then to add the ultimate humiliation, Evolution triple power bombs Reigns. With that we are out.

SCOTT’S TAKE: Why couldn’t I get this ending last night? Oh well. Weird show tonight as we didn’t get Orton or Batista till the end, and no Cena at all. No mention of Payback yet. One who always gets payback is the purveyor of thehistoryofwwe.com, Graham Cawthon! Follow him on twitter @thehistoryofwwe. Here’s tonight’s Raw Tweet of the night!

@thehistoryofwwe “Dog drunk and vomit on themselves” is the quote of the night

Author: Scott Criscuolo

Scott Criscuolo is a co-founder of the Place to Be, co-host of the Place to Be Podcast, and was in the radio business for 10 years. He loves all things pop culture, and someday he will be the ghost writer for Triple H's autobiography. Send Scott an email