Scott’s Raw Recap 12/16/13

Randy Orton makes his point clear who's at the top of the food chain. (Courtesy WWE)
Randy Orton makes his point clear who’s at the top of the food chain. (Courtesy WWE)

Monday Night Raw
December 16, 2013
Dallas, Texas

We go back to last night at TLC, when Randy Orton grabbed the ultimate brass ring and became WWE World Heavyweight Champion.  We now head inside American Airlines Arena in Dallas where the entire WWE roster is on the ramp, and The Authority is in the ring.  Stephanie McMahon welcomes us and she bloviates over last night.  Triple H said history was made last night as there is an undisputed WWE World Champion, and out comes Randy Orton.  He comes out with both titles.  I wonder if they will hold both belts, or make a new one or stick with the WWE belt only.  He splits the crowd and raises the titles.  John Cena and Daniel Bryan are burning holes through Orton.  The champ asks “Isn’t it great when faith is rewarded?”  Then again, Orton says no one had faith in him.  He says everyone bought the lie that he was handed everything in his career, but he wasn’t handed anything last night.  He destroys the roster by calling them inferior and he says he is the most powerful man in the company.  John Cena interrupts him and calls him an idiot.  He rips Orton and says he was going to repeat himself for twenty minutes.  He does congratulate Orton, but tells him to put up or shut up.  Orton says he won’t give Cena a rematch tonight, but Cena says he’s not talking about him.  Cena says last week he listened to the WWE Universe.  So Cena says tonight Orton should face Daniel Bryan for the Title.  Orton is refusing and the YES chants are loud.  Cena says Orton is scared.  Orton says he doesn’t have to listen to anybody, but Stephanie says he does have to listen to her and Triple H.  HHH says Daniel Bryan doesn’t deserve a title shot.  Stephanie says that the WWE Universe did vote Bryan Superstar of the Year.  Triple H says there’s no better way to kick off the Champion of Champions new era by taking on the guy no one thinks Orton can beat.  So tonight Daniel Bryan gets his title shot.  Hmmm, I wonder how they’ll flim-flam this one.

On wwe.com earlier today, a poll went up to decide who the Rhodes Brothers will face tonight.  That match is next.

MATCH: The Rhodes Brothers vs. Big Show & Rey Mysterio
Here’s a time where I think they should have rigged the voting and had the Real Americans face them.  I don’t think this is for the straps.  Goldust’s new t-shirt is sweet.  I’d get it but I’ve bought too many CM Punk shirts lately.  This match has been ok, as the faces (well I guess it doesn’t work in this case) meaning the challengers dictate the tempo as Cody has been the face-in-peril.  Jerry Lawler took a “selfie” of the guys at the broadcast table.  That was actually funny.  Great, Cole warns us of another “app tutorial”.  Even they’re making fun of the fact that Cole doing that every week is absolutely stupid.  Big Show chokeslams Goldust and I thought the match ended but Cody broke it up.  Show does knock Goldust out and Rey splashes Goldust off the top of Show’s shoulders for the win.  WINNERS: Rey Mysterio & Big Show

The faces all help Goldust up.  And…there’s the tutorial for the App.  Go now to vote for which tag team CM Punk will have as partners against the Shield.  The Usos, Primetime Players or Los Matadores.

WWE Raw Christmas.  Next Monday.

Out comes Bad News Barrett.  An atrocious gimmick I might add.  He says he has…well you get the gist.  He talks about the Mega Millions jackpot.  Barrett says the fans will all go back to their ramshackle homes and pitiful lifestyles.

Backstage Triple H, Stephanie McMahon and Kane are talking and in comes Randy Orton who whines and moans about facing Daniel Bryan tonight.  Stephanie says Daniel Bryan got beat up last night too.  She gushes over Orton and his win last night.  Triple H says its more than talking, its proving it.  He says the Authority got his back.

MATCH: Fandango vs. Dolph Ziggler
We have a rematch from last night’s TLC pre-show when Dolph lost to Fandango which totally shocked me.  I mean we’ve talked about him falling down the food chain but losing the pre-show match is pretty pitiful.  The match is TV quality, with Dolph getting his win back via a small package, and actually some tights.  WINNER: Dolph Ziggler

So the match isn’t a title match?  The graphic coming up didn’t have it as a title match.  I’m confused.

MATCH: Real Americans vs. Big E. Langston & Mark Henry
Wow, I’m digging this hoss tag team right here.  Actually there’s four hosses in the ring.  I like Mark Henry with the shaved head.  He looks more menacing, even as a babyface.  The heels dominate the action and for the first time since I can remember Langston was actually getting beat on for an extended period.  Antonio Cesaro was going to attempt to spin Mark Henry around but Langston breaks it up and hits his finisher for the win.  WINNERS: Big E Langston & Mark Henry

That is an impressive hoss team right there.

Wow another app tutorial.

We have a great skit with Sandow as Santa Claus and AJ & Tamina as elves.  Really funny.

MATCH: Ryback & Curtis Axel vs. Tons O’ Funk
The match was pretty normal until Sweet T gets pinned by Ryback and Brodus doesn’t help him.  WINNERS: Ryback & Curtis Axel

Brodus looks pissed, and completes his heel turn by splashing Sweet T twice.  R-Truth & Elijah Woods (who were at the announce table) come in and chase Brodus off.  The Funkadactyls dance with Truth &^ Woods while Brodus is on the ramp.

Back from break and we’re joined by the BEST IN THE WORLD.  We go back to last week on Raw when Triple H threw Punk to the ground after Punk was pie-faced by Randy Orton.  He decks Triple H and gets superkicked by Shawn Michaels.  Punk says a small miracle happened last night that he beat the entire Shield.  He knows The Authority wants to sweep him under the rug but he’d prefer he and Triple H work out their differences man to man.  Punk waits, but we get no response for a few seconds.  Nobody comes out.  But someone does come out, it’s not Triple H, it’s Shawn Michaels!  Well, well, well.  Shawn’s got like duck waders on or something.  Punk says Stephanie can come out since Triple H won’t.  The “You Sold Out” chants rain down on HBK.  Shawn says Punk’s issues should be with him, not Triple H.  Punk says he’ll let last week pass, but he tells HBK not to try it again or he will kick back.  HBK says what happened last week upset him too.  Shawn then brings out the Shield for Punk’s match.

MATCH: CM Punk & The Usos vs. The Shield
That was the correct pick.  If #midgetmantaur won I don’t know if I could have kept a straight face during this match.  Reigns still has a black eye from last night.  I like how JBL is saying that Michael Cole gets a cut of Cena’s merchandise by kissing his ass.  Like Hogan/Vince and JR/Austin.  The action is pretty good and fast-paced.  JBL is particularly ornery tonight, really laying into Cole & King.  The Shield gets their win back when Reigns drills Punk with a spear after Punk gave Ambrose the GTS and gets the three count.  WINNERS: The Shield

The Wyatt Family interrupt a spot for 2K14.  Bray Wyatt says (in a nutshell) that Daniel Bryan made a mistake not joining the family and will pay.

MATCH: Natalya & Bella Twins vs. AJ Lee, Tamina & Alicia Fox
Total Divas returns in March.  So can the Divas division be normal now, or do we still have to have this line in the sand?  Nikki goes for the backbreaker on AJ when Tamina smacked her in the face with a superkick.  That allowed AJ to hit the Shining Wizard for the win.  WINNERS: The better team

Back from break and Renee Young is with Randy Orton.  Orton keeps whining about having to wrestle Daniel Bryan.  He tells the WWE Universe to bend over and kiss his ass.  That was actually pretty funny.

MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
So this isn’t a title match. Well at least that gives Bryan a chance to win.  I must have misconstrued Cena’s promo earlier in the evening.  This rivalry goes all the way back to July when Bryan got Orton to tap out in a great match on Smackdown.  Since then we’ve had Orton cash in and pin Bryan at Summerslam with help from Triple H, Bryan pin Orton clean at Night of Champions, a no-contest at Battleground, and Orton winning at Hell in a Cell with help from Shawn Michaels.  Daniel puts Orton in an Indian Death Lock, and Orton bit Bryan’s knee to break it up.  Nice heel touch.  We’ve had a good amount of long matches tonight.  Orton is very methodical in this match, working over Bryan’s left arm.  At one point, Orton snaps off a pretty nice superplex.  This could be their best match since that Smackdown match back in July.  Later in the match Bryan hits a hurricanrana off the top rope.  Very impressive there.  This has been a fantastic match.  We’ve had about five close calls in a two-minute stretch.  Eventually Bryan gets the Yes Lock on but Orton gets to the rope.  Daniel Bryan just nipped up, and the announcers DON’T point out that Shawn Michaels taught it to him.  The match ends when Orton hits a low blow for the disqualification right as Bryan starts kicking away at him in a prone position.  WINNER: Daniel Bryan by disqualification

The crappy ending brings out John Cena who pitches Orton out of the ring.  He looks over Daniel Bryan, while Orton gets back in the ring and drops Cena with an RKO.  Orton stands in the ring with both belts over his head.  With that we’re out.

SCOTT’S TAKE: There was a good amount of action again this week, with four matches over ten minutes and a main event that was almost 25 minutes.  No real storyline advancement tonight, as we’ll wait until after the new year to get the Royal Rumble build going.

You know who’s ready for the holidays?  The purveyor of thehistoryofwwe.com, Graham Cawthon.  Follow him on Twitter, @thehistoryofwwe.  Here’s Graham’s Raw Tweet of the Night!

@thehistoryofwwe Are we teasing a huge triple threat match with two established guys and the next big thing? I’m having WM20 flashbacks.

I was there Graham, not a bad match that night at MSG.

Author: Scott Criscuolo

Scott Criscuolo is a co-founder of the Place to Be, co-host of the Place to Be Podcast, and was in the radio business for 10 years. He loves all things pop culture, and someday he will be the ghost writer for Triple H's autobiography. Send Scott an email