Scott’s Raw Recap 10/28/13

Raw10-28b

Monday Night Raw
October 28, 2013
Orlando, Florida

We go back to last night (don’t forget to check out our live blog from the show) for still shots of Hell in a Cell, when CM Punk finally silenced Paul Heyman, and the WWE Title again eludes Daniel Bryan’s grasp. We go live inside the arena in Orlando. Tonight we hear from Shawn Michaels on why he superkicked his protégé. We also will have a nauseating Randy Orton celebration, thrown for all heel champs when they are part of a screwjob. We also will have another CM Punk vs. Ryback match tonight, with voting on the WWE App as to what the stipulation will be: Falls Count Anywhere, Tables match or Street Fight. We are now joined by the new World Heavyweight Champion, John Cena! Cena beat Alberto Del Rio clean last night and it felt like nobody cared. How does Cena feel being the second banana? He went through a horrendously painful process coming back from…from…an ELBOW DRAINING! Oh the humanity! We get the mixed crowd reaction as expected. Cena’s smiling as he’s getting booed. Yay, we’re back to the shitty milk-toasty promos that make me gag! He says there are people who are upset he came back too early. Cena points out JBL who doubted Cena the most. THE WORLD CHAMP IS HERE!!!!! He’s back for good to defend this title! He’s back on Raw! He also says he’s back on Smackdown. Really? Wow, I’m actually stunned. He will ice his elbow but he’s is going all out every day from here on out. Why am I using so many exclamation points? Cena says we have another celebration tonight, for Randy Orton the WWE Champion. He tells Alberto Del Rio he gave him a hell of a fight and he can have his rematch anytime he wants. Cena was about to finish, when Mr. Money in the Bank Damien Sandow comes down the aisle. Sandow says the uncrowned champion is here! Sandow says Cena may be fooling the unwashed masses but not him. He says Cena’s hurt more than he’s letting on. He starts playing around with the briefcase, but decides not to cash it in tonight. He then turns around and cracking Cena over and over with the briefcase. Holy crap, can it actually happen? He slams Cena’s arm into the metal post. Cena is thrown into the barricade and then the steel steps. He puts Cena’s arm on the steps, grabs a steel chair and slams the chair into Cena’s elbow. What an awesome attack and for once he looks tough. Sandow calls in a referee and hands the briefcase over.

WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP: John Cena © vs. Damien Sandow
Why does Cena get to “gather his composure”? No one else ever had that chance. Sandow continues to attack the arm, but the fact that this is actually turning into a “regular” match makes me think for the second time ever, someone’s cashing-in will fail. The first time was of course Cena in 2012 at SummerSlam. The match ends up being a back and forth battle. JBL says the doctors can force Cena to forfeit due to injury. That I can see happening. Actually, no I don’t. Dr. Sampson is outside the ring looking concerned. Cena hits a one-armed AA because he’s the pink superhero. The doctor’s talking to Cena. Michael Cole is making Cena look like he has no left arm at all. I’m going to puke. It’s like Gorilla and Vince with Hogan in the late 80’s. Cena tries for the STF but he can’t do it one-armed. The match itself is admittedly entertaining with the crowd heavily into it. Sandow slaps the Crossface onto Cena. TAP CENA TAP! Of course Cena is the greatest ever and rolls out of it. Cena kicks out of Sandow’s finisher. So either Sandow wins the title or gets future endeavored. Cena hits the AA and wins the match. Well that’s that. Good luck on the indy circuit Sandow, or whatever your new name will be in Ring of Honor. WINNER: John Cena

The Shield is backstage, and Dean Ambrose says tonight is the biggest night in the history of the group. Ambrose defends the US Title against Big E. Langston, and he begrudgingly gives respect to Big E but tonight will be different. Rollins says they underestimated Big E but tonight that will change. Ambrose throws a subtle dig and his mates saying he’s the only one with any gold left. Reigns looks pissed but he still says “Believe in the Shield.”

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP: Dean Ambrose © vs. Big E. Langston
Wow two title matches in one night. That works. The first one was a great match with a disappointing ending. Cole actually acknowledges the dig that Ambrose made to his bros. That means the split is beginning. The match lasts a few minutes until Reigns pulls the rope down on an Irish Whip and Langston hits the floor. The match ends in a DQ. WINNER: Big E. Langston by disqualification

The 3-on-1 attack continues, and out come the Usos to help Big E. Six guys in the ring, which means…

SIX-MAN TAG MATCH: The Usos & Big E Langston vs. The Shield
So no second title match tonight. Big E gets screwed out of a title match and is stuck in a boring six-man tag match. The Usos are a solid team, but some people have told me that they’re not deserving of a tag title run, that they’re nothing more than utility. Others have said that they do deserve gold. What’s your opinion? Let me know on twitter at @scottcriscuolo or on the PTB Nation Facebook page. I like when Big E wears his alternate maroon or burgundy tights. Who doesn’t like alternate tights? I’m still trying to wrap my head around John Cena being on both shows. The WWE must really be in paranoia mode. Reigns hits a double spear on both Usos to get the win. WINNERS: The Shield

Back from break and out comes Shawn Michaels to (for the first time in a while) a tepid response. No pyro, no dancing, no nothing. HBK says he knows an explanation is owed, in particular to Daniel Bryan. So he asks Daniel Bryan to come out and let him explain face to face. Bryan comes out to a big ovation but he’s pretty pissed. HBK says he knows Daniel is pissed but what happened last night wasn’t planned. The crowd’s giving Shawn a “You Sold Out” chant. HBK says all hell broke loose. HBK says he saw what Daniel did to Triple H last night and regardless of what anybody says, Triple H is Shawn’s best friend and that will never change day or night. He knows that Daniel will never understand, but just accept his apology. Daniel just nods no. HBK says ten years ago he taught Daniel the basics, but last night he learned the most valuable lesson, which is not to trust anybody. He asks Daniel again to accept his apology. Shawn holds his hand out but Daniel says no again. HBK gets in Shawn’s face and calls him a self-righteous little puke and says he defended him for months and he’s earned this chance at redemption. He doesn’t care if he’s ever is an A+ player. Daniel shakes his hand, then reverses it and puts Shawn in the YES LOCK. Shawn taps out and Bryan walks off. Is this the beginning of the feud that could lead to the greatest WrestleMania match of all time? Hmmmm….

Back from break and Renee is with Daniel Bryan, but she walks off as out of nowhere the lights go out and Rowan and Harper from the Wyatt Family beat the snot out of Daniel Bryan. So they’re working for Triple H now? Bryan is grabbed by Bray Wyatt, who says “The Devil made me do it.” He throws Bryan into the steel fence.

HANDICAP MATCH: Los Matadores (with #midgetmantaur) vs. 3MB
Seriously? Why are these guys still with the company? Actually that’s harsh. Why is this gimmick still happening? The announcers go from serious debate over Daniel Bryan to bull and cow jokes. Heath Slater had a big fish net to try to catch #midgetmantaur. Guess who wins? WINNERS: Los Matadores

We get comedy shenanigans with the midget and Heath.

MATCH: AJ Lee & Tamina vs. The Bellas
Ok, Ben Morse you will likely get your wish here and either have the twins win, or Nikki turns heel. The Authority forced Brie to be in this match even though her fiancée got the crap kicked out of him. Brie isn’t into the match as Nikki is pinned by the champ. WINNERS: AJ Lee & Tamina

MATCH: Kane vs. The Miz
This stems from last night at HIAC when Kane returned to take out the Wyatt Family, then chokeslammed Miz because he felt like it. Kane happily beats Miz quick. WINNER: Kane

Kane has the mic and asks for Stephanie McMahon to come out to the ring. Mrs. H obliges. Steph is dressed like a librarian. She stays on the stage. Kane says she’s on a power trip and she’s destroying lives. He does say though, it’s good for business. He tells Stephanie the monster is yours to unleash. He walks up to her, takes his mask/wig off and walks away. What the hell does that mean? He’s back to the boring bald Kane?

David Otunga says in real people’s terms that the Big Show’s lawsuit against WWE could cost the McMahons millions and control of the company.

CM Punk comes out to a raucous ovation and says last night he slept like a baby for the first time in three months. He delivered on his promise on took care of Paul Heyman. His focus is simply on Ryback, who says without Heyman is a “Knuckle-dragging Neanderthal”. He can’t wait to see which stipulation the fans pick.

Back from break and the WWE Universe has made their decision.

STREET FIGHT: CM Punk vs. Ryback
The weapons come out, from tables to kendo sticks. Punk’s got a Miami Heat/Bob Marley/Jamaica color scheme going tonight. Punk puts Ryback through a table with the Macho Man elbow, then Ryback taps out to the Anaconda Vice. Wow much quicker than I thought. Ryback’s toast. WINNER: CM Punk

Suddenly the lights go out and the Wyatt Family comes down the ramp. What the hell is this? Rowan & Harper are attacking Punk. Bray watches from the rocking chair. So the Wyatts are now officially part of the “Authority” storyline? They seriously can’t stand on their own two feet? Punk is getting killed. Punk head butts Bray in the face but Rowan clotheslines him. Bray gives him Sister Abigail. Bray again said the Devil made him do it.

MATCH: Real Americans vs. Goldust & Cody Rhodes
I like that Goldust & Cody’s music has been mashed into one theme. Or it seems like it. This is easily the best shape Goldust has been in for a long time. This is a fresh combination with three great workers…and Swagger. And really Swagger can look good when he’s got good workers in the ring. The action is fun and back and forth, when Swagger puts Goldie in the Patriot Lock but he breaks it. Guys are flying all over the place. Swagger tries it again and shockingly Goldie taps out. So we have new #1 contenders. Excellent. WINNERS: Real Americans

We get a great recap of Cena’s win earlier and now out comes former World Champion Alberto Del Rio. He calls Cena a thief and he says last night Cena stole his title. Del Rio says he’s due his rematch and he will hurt Cena very badly. ADR says the left arm is a target and he says he will break it. He calls the crowd “dogs”.

A poll was taken on which Mania dream match would the Universe pick. The winner was Taker/Goldberg which was nice and rigged to keep kissing Goldberg’s ass so he comes back.

MATCH: Summer Rae vs. Natalya
We’ll see how ugly this is. She’s apparently very good in NXT. Summer Rae is very good at talking trash. Hornswoggle’s given up the leprechaun thing and he’s just a Guido that looks like he owns a deli. The match is pretty solid actually. The crowd’s shitting all over the shenanigans with Fandango and Khali outside. Natalya wins with the Sharpshooter. She’s been due a win. WINNER: Natalya

Very impressive performance by Summer Rae.

Back from break and the entire roster is on the stage awaiting the celebration of the new WWE Champion Randy Orton. ON YOUR KNEES DOG. Out come our beloved COO and his wife. I love how they are so kissy kissy with each other. Hilarious. They come down to the ring. Triple H says a decade ago the chairman of the WWE came to him and asked who he thought the face of WWE was in the future. He put that choice into Evolution and mentored him. He saw that star do terrible things to everybody including himself and his family. Triple H says he matured and became the face off WWE. He’s not a little troll sitting in the hospital. Out comes the WWE Champion. Orton ditched the pink-highlighted t-shirt and went back to his normal shirt. Good subtle thing by a heel. Triple H hugs him and Stephanie. This is awesome heelness. I’m smiling. Stephanie talks to the roster on the stage, and says Randy Orton is everyone’s champion. Stephanie is asking the roster to show the respect Orton deserves. Orton grabs the mic and the NO NO chants start. Orton says having the belt and being champion simply means he’s better than everyone. That includes the fans and the roster. He runs the roster down until we hear the music of the Big Show. Show runs down the ramp and gets attacked by the Shield. Out comes Goldust and Cody Rhodes to run the Shield out. Show gets to the ring with Triple H, Stephanie and Randy Orton. Big Show says he can get arrested but he has friends that can bail him out. Show says his lawsuit will bankrupt this whole company and he doesn’t care. Orton comes from behind and decks Show with the belt. Orton tries again but Show knocks Orton out. Show and Triple H stare eye to eye. HHH takes his jacket and tie off but is being held back by his wife. With that we’re out.

SCOTT’S TAKE: This was a weird show. There were high points and low points but overall it wasn’t too bad. The Wyatt Family is under someone’s control, but it’s not Triple H. The company must really be scared about something to have John Cena on Friday nights.

Have any comments or questions about what you’ve read? Hit me up on Twitter @scottcriscuolo or comment on the Place to Be Nation Facebook page!

Author: Scott Criscuolo

Scott Criscuolo is a co-founder of the Place to Be, co-host of the Place to Be Podcast, and was in the radio business for 10 years. He loves all things pop culture, and someday he will be the ghost writer for Triple H's autobiography. Send Scott an email