Scott’s Impact Recap 8/8/13

Chris Sabin gets the upper hand on Bully Ray one week before Hardcore Justice. (Courtesy TNA Wrestling)
Chris Sabin gets the upper hand on Bully Ray one week before Hardcore Justice. (Courtesy TNA Wrestling)

Impact Wrestling
August 8, 2013
Wichita Falls, Texas

We begin with Taz and Aces & Eights throwing Mike Tenay out of the building and taking his seat. We then get a recap of last week’s “surprise”. We then are back in the arena in Wichita Falls with Taz and the President/VP of the club. Taz threatens Borash and takes his seat at the table. Bully Ray pretty much threatens Tito Ortiz to stay out of the way. Bully Ray then finds out that he and Devon will face Chris Sabin and a mystery partner from the Main Event Mafia. Bully Ray says “I’m offended that Devon and I, the greatest tag team of all-time should know his opponent. Out comes the World Champion Chris Sabin. They go back and forth about their cage match next week at Hardcore Justice. Bully Ray wants to see the contract and sign it. Bully is particularly pissed off tonight. Out comes Brooke Hogan, who tells Bully Ray that her dad is out of town. She’s reading an e-mail from her dad. She reads the e-mail, which says pretty much if he loses the cage match next week he will never get a title match again. Bully Ray says he won’t be intimidated, and Brooke does some small penis jokes. Bully and Sabin sign the deal. That stipulation means Bully Ray wins the title back next week.

Taz and Anderson bully Borash some more.

Here’s the BFG Series Standings:

Magnus 49
Samoa Joe 26
AJ Styles 22
Daniels 21
Austin Aries 21
Mr, Anderson 21
Jeff Hardy 17
Bobby Roode 7
Hernandez 7
Kaz 0
Jay Bradley 0
Joseph Park -3

BFG SERIES MATCH: Samoa Joe vs. Jeff Hardy
Big match for the standings here. If Joe wins he gets closer to Magnus, but if Hardy wins he moves to third place. Anderson stays at the table with Borash and Taz. Taz asks Anderson if the show has sucked without him announcing. Honestly Gorilla Monsoon couldn’t save this show some weeks. The match has gone back and forth with Joe really laying some heavy shots. Hardy’s doing his best impersonation of himself, getting creamed. Hardy hasn’t gotten any offense really in yet other than the occasional kick and punch. Now Hardy gets his comeback. Taz and Anderson sound drunk, they’re working conversations with each other that nobody understands. Hardy’s taking control but Joe’s kicking out. This crowd seems hotter for this taped show than last week’s “half-live” show. Joe goes for the Musclebuster but Jeff ducks out, goes for the Twist of Fate but that’s reversed and Joe has a sleeper on. Joe for some reason gets distracted by something, Anderson I think, and Jeff rolls Joe up for the victory. Hardy now has 24 points, good for third place. WINNER: Jeff Hardy

Backstage Daniels is frustrated because Kaz needs to know his place. Tonight he will understand that as they face each other.

BFG SERIES MATCH: Mr. Anderson vs. Magnus
This is Magnus’ first BFG match since winning the Wild Card Battle Royal almost a month ago. Anderson dominates the action early and works a hammerlock. Anderson wins and he will be in second place. They go back and forth and then in a brilliant form of psychology, out comes Bobby Roode who crushes Mr. Anderson with a chair. He drops the chair and pats Magnus on the back. So the referee rings the bell for a disqualification. Genius by the “It Factor”. A DQ loss drops Magnus’ total to 39 points. WINNER: Mr. Anderson by disqualification

After the break, Bobby Roode says this was a continuation of things changing in Bobby Roode’s life. He’s selfish and he likes it. Roode says “I changed the game. I took ten points from the leader, because I can. Stay tuned.” Then Magnus walks up to the referee from his match and says “I hold nothing against you Brian (Hebner). In the heat of the moment you did what you had to do.” On losing ten points, Magnus says “I’ll get it back. Things have a way of working themselves out.”

The “Bro-mans” Robbie E and Jessie Godderz are yapping when Knockouts Champion Mickie James comes in, puts herself over and says when the guys take out Gunner and Storm, she will take out ODB and all the world will shine. She’s a great heel.

We get a video package on Tito Ortiz. Who cares?

Backstage Sabin is with Sting and Angle about tonight’s main event, and Sabin has a plan but the MEM needs to trust him. Sabin isn’t World Title material, he’s like a 17 year-old kid who bought the belt on Highspots.

Borash introduces Tito Ortiz to the ring. Ortiz was about to explain why he’s here when Kurt Angle walks to the ring. He did this to Rampage Jackson when he made his debut, pre-MEM. Angle says “Tito, I know who you are and I respect your accomplishments. But this is my world.” Holy shit, he’s saying the same promo that he did to Rampage, word for word. Hideous. They make peace but out comes Bully Ray. He has no respect for either of the guys and he will make Tito tap out. That’s it. These promos are unfocused and haphazard. There’s no focus and Tito looks like a chump in the ring, being totally overshadowed.

SIX MAN TAG TEAM MATCH: Bro Mans & Mickie James vs. James Storm, Gunner & ODB
This is Storm’s first Impact appearance in a few weeks, he’s been missed by this author. Robbie E is useless, completely useless. A waste of salary that needs to be fired. Jessie Godderz at least has the look, if nothing else. The match is bad and the Tag Team Champions with ODB win. WINNERS: Storm/Gunner/ODB

Gail Kim comes down the ramp and goes after ODB.

Backstage Kaz says Daniels has forgot about a lot of the past and the times when Daniels lost to Kaz. He says “Tonight’s match is not for Bad Influence, it’s for my family.”

Back from break and Bully Ray is pissed about not knowing Sabin’s partner and he’s venting to Devon. Bully Ray says “Testify” and Devon says “That’s my line.”

BFG SERIES MATCH: Kaz vs. Daniels
Both men start to fight, then start yelling and pushing each other. Then they walk outside the ring and both get counted out. So they each get two points and high five each other. How stupid does Kazarian look? What a joke. WINNER: Double Countout

Bobby Roode comes out with a chair. He gets into the ring and grabs a mike. He says “Everyone is paying attention to all these factions and arrivals. Everyone has forgotten about us.” He says there’s strength in numbers, and this is a new force. That’s very interesting. Bobby Roode has kept this show from being a complete stinker.

Tito Ortiz cuts a terrible promo about next week at Hardcore Justice and the MEM vs. Aces & Eights battle. The guy who gets pinned is out of TNA. Also next week Styles, Hardy, Kaz and Aries in a ladder match for 20 BFG points. We then get a video history of the MEM vs. Aces & Eights.

MATCH: Bully Ray & Devon vs. Chris Sabin & Kurt Angle
Sting comes out dressed in his old tights and face paint. A fake out and the good guys take over. They signed Rampage Jackson. USE HIM! God this company is so fucking stupid. Angle and Sabin are working 3D over. Eventually size takes over and Bully Ray/Devon start beating down the smaller World Champion. I was so looking forward to next week until they added that stupid stipulation about Bully not getting future title shots. He’s easily gonna win now. Angle with an Olympic Slam for a two count on Devon. Bully hits what looks like a Rock Bottom on Angle for two. Sabin tags himself in and goes to town, hitting Bully with a drop kick for two. Bully recovers to hip toss Sabin to the ramp. Bully and Devon 3D’s Angle and they cue each other to get some tables. Bully drags Sabin into the ring. The table is leaned in the corner and Bully charges but Sabin ducks and Bully goes into the table. He clotheslines Devon out of the ring, then hits a high cross body on Bully for the win. So there’s no doubt now that Bully wins the title back next week. With that we’re out. WINNERS: Chris Sabin and Kurt Angle

SCOTT’S TAKE: This show was terrible. The promos were disjointed and lazy. Tito Ortiz looked totally lost out there and they needed two other guys to save it (which they failed at). Hardcore Justice better deliver next week or this will be a long 8-9 weeks till Bound for Glory.

Author: Scott Criscuolo

Scott Criscuolo is a co-founder of the Place to Be, co-host of the Place to Be Podcast, and was in the radio business for 10 years. He loves all things pop culture, and someday he will be the ghost writer for Triple H's autobiography. Send Scott an email