Parv and the Doctor #5: The Daleks Part Five

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“The Daleks”, 1963

Part 5: The Expedition

The daleks are spying on the companions and the Thals. Ian has failed yet again to persuade Alydon to fight. They need that fluid link. Ian and Barbara are bickering again.

So far we’ve seen Ian constantly argue with The Doctor. He’s upset Susan. He’s pissed off the daleks numerous times, including once when they paralyzed his legs. He fights constantly with Barbara. And now he’s finding ways to fall out with a race of pacifist farmers. Ha ha ha.

Ian tries to persuade Alydon to fight.
Ian tries to persuade Alydon to fight.

The Doctor needs that fluid back again. “I’m afraid my little trick has rather rebounded on me. I’m afraid it might be what you call tempting providence gentlemen.”

Quite. Ian smirks and looks slightly vindicated.

The Doctor starts thinking about getting the Thals to fight. “A ready-made army”. Susan looks affronted. God, what’s upset the feisty fruit-cake now?

“But grandfather, we’ve been talking about arguing about this all morning! The Thals won’t fight!”

“My dear child this is no time for morals! They must fight for us!” Ian goes to interject, the Doctor cuts him off.

“Oh! My dear young lad, I hope you’re not going to be difficult!” Why’s Ian so against the idea of a sudden? He was up for it just 10 minutes ago.

“I will not allow you to use the Thals to fight for us” says Ian. Oh fuck off Ian. Since when?

“Are you challenging me?!” shouts The Doctor.

“Yes I am!” comes back Ian.

Bloody hell. How much are they going to argue? This is getting out hand. Barbera is 100% with the doctor.

Ian is being a right cock, all the way through this episode.
Ian is being a right cock, all the way through this episode.

Ian’s conscious won’t have it. “The only way the Thals are going to fight is if they want to. It must have nothing at all to do with us!”

Jesus Ian, since when are you this big moralist? Susan agrees “We must help the Thals help themselves and in doing so they will be helping us”

Barbara is pissed off.

“All you’re doing is just playing with words”

I must say, this is all quite shirty this episode. These four people don’t get on.

“We need action, not arguments” says the Doctor.

Ian is not letting it go.

Anyway, he leaves to speak to them. Ian is really starting to get on my nerves. Is the show called Doctor Who or is it called Ian? No it’s called Doctor Who, so butt out you cock! Stop sticking your fat nose into everything. Let the Doctor execute his plans.


Ian picks up a metal drum.

“Hmmm, strange young man”, says The Doctor. “Yes he is” chimes in Barbara.

Ian is trying to persuade Alydon to fight again, but he’s failing.

“Look at our planet”, Alydon says. Everything was destroyed. All of the arts. Everyone. Why should they wish to do that again?

“YOU’RE NOT SORRY” Ian blurts, “You stand there mumbling a lot of words out of your history and it means nothing. Nothing at all!”

That big metal drum is actually the history of the Thal. Ian threatens to trade it with the daleks for the fluid link. The Thals look shocked.

Alydon calls his bluff “none of us would stop you”.

Ian turns rogue now. “Perhaps the daleks are more interested in people. I could take them …” *grabbing a Thal female* “… an alternative!”

Alydon is shocked. Oh my! He punches Ian!

YES!!! Give him another one for the Doctor!

Anyway, Ian’s ruse has worked and he’s provoked the Thals into fighting. Bit cheesy. “So there is something you’ll fight for.”

Weird trippy scene now.

We’re back in the dalek city and one dalek is spazzing out. “Help. Help. Me. Ahhh”

What’s going on? “Emer-gency. All. Dal-eks in section 3 are in-cap-ab-le of moving.”

It appears that the daleks are alergic to the anti-radiation drugs. The daleks have become conditioned to radiation, so anti-radiation nails them.

More daleks start spazzing out now. It’s panic stations. “Is. This. The end of the da-leks?”

They need radiation to survive. They need more of it, and the only way to increase it is to explode another neutron bomb! Things are really messed up for them.

Alydon can’t sleep. He’s thinking about the punch. Barbara talks to a random Thal male who looks perturbed. They talk about the lake which is glowing.

There is “horror” down there in the swamp. Mutations. The male Thal reasons that the daleks leave the horrific lake there as a perfect defense for their city. “Only a fool would attack the city from the lake.”

We get a full-scale shot of the city now. I must say they’ve done an effective job of drawing me into the reality of the place.

Meanwhile, back at camp dalek things are going badly. Daleks are dying.

The two leader-y daleks have an interesting chat now. They set up a scheme to direct radiated air to section 2 as a test to see how many daleks there die. If they survive, their hypothesis that daleks actually need radiation to survive will be proved correct.

So if that’s the case, then they’ll never be able to rebuild their planet. No matter. They don’t need to adapt to their enviironment: they can adapt their environment to them!

I see where this is going.

Back in camp Thal, Alydon talks to Ian again. He then speaks to his people and reasons that they can’t let the daleks kills their new friends “If we do not help them it would be the same as if we had killed them ourselves”.

Ethics 101.

Alydon reasons that they face death now and so there is no idignity in being afraid to die, but there is in being ashamed to live!

Right, so the pacifists have turned. Ian is pleased.

They look at a map to plan their strategy. Naturally it is suggested that they go through the lake. Male Thal who was talking last night said that it occurred to him that it’s undefended. Alydon objects: “it’s a natural barrier.”

How much do people ARGUE in Doctor Who!

He pisses everyone off.
He pisses everyone off.

There is a chance of a surprise attack from the lake. The Doctor devises a plan: a decoy group to distract the daleks on guard at the front of the city. And an attack group to sneak through the mountains and past the lake into the back of the city.

Sounds like a plan but uhhh, what about the mutated monsters in the lake Doctor?

Ian: “good plan” Everyone else “good plan!”

Hold on now!!! Wait. You’ve spent fucking five whole episodes arguing and arguing and the one time, the ONE time someone needs to question the plan is NOW. THE MONSTERS! What about the lake monsters?

Everyone is just fine with this plan? Give me a break.

Can’t help but think thay they haven’t thought this all through.

Meanwhile the daleks are spying on them and wonder why they are splitting in two. Also the results of the radiation experiment are through. All daleks in section 2 have shown signs of recovery. The anti-radiation is a poison for them and radiation is regenerative. “Essential” as one dalek puts it.

Leader dalek wants to take stock of nuclear materials in the city.

We see the lake now. It is bubbling and strange noises emit from it. Two Thals are there. One of them is worried about what happened “last time”.

Ian and Barbara have caught up. Elephant-like noises can be heard.

WHAT THE FUCK is Ian doing? Washing his face in the lake and drinking water from it? Are you nuts Ian? Mutations? Radiation? None of this shit mean anything to you?

Oh my god ….

A monster. A Plan 9-style octopus-like creature is rising from the lake. Ian runs away. Why did you drink from it you idiot?

Ian is rightly punched in the face by Alydon.
Ian is rightly punched in the face by Alydon.

The go about 3 feet from where that octopus-thing was and then set up camp and go to sleep. As if anyone could sleep there. Time passes. The Thal guard wakes Ian up.

It’s the next morning. They’ve found something on the lake. They’ve spotted some pipes. The daleks do get their water from the lake.

A Thal suggests that they cross the lake. Ian cuts him off: that’s one way they definitely aren’t going. They must find a way around.

One of the Thals has been sent to fill a waterbag. If this was Star Trek surely this guy would be in a redshirt. We have to see a death here surely.

The water bubbles. And now it whirlpools. “ARGGHGHGHGHGH!”