MFWF Monster Mania Review

Monster Factory Wrestling Federation is the wrestling arm of Monster Factory, Polygon’s series of deep dives into the nooks & grannies of character creation menus. Monster Mania is their contribution to #MoreThanMania.

In the booth for the big event are Patrick Gill on play by play, and Griffin & Justin McElroy on color. Let’s get into it.

1) Borth Sampson vs. Chiquita Dave

Borth is oiled up to the extreme but Chiquita Dave smashes a Chaos Emerald during his entrance, so it’s a draw in terms of the intimidation factor. Borth whips Dave into the corner but eats a back elbow followed by a bulldog before recovering with some kicks. Dave works the ribs and stomps the head; Borth comes back with a knee and suplexes. Springboard elbow doesn’t get the job done, but Borth comes out of a whip exchange in the corner with a shoulder block through the ropes. Outside, Dave hits a jawbreaker and brings Borth back in for a suplex of his own and follows up with a figure four as the announcers debate whom precisely a figure four hurts. Borth reverses the pressure and Dave gives up the hold. Back fist and kick combo gets two for Borth, and so does the running knee. Elbow drop leads to more hard strikes. Dave goes back to the ribs for one. Fisherman’s driver gets two for Borth but the GTS (Go to Springfield) finishes. Borth was a good choice for a hot opener but Dave wasn’t feeling it and the ringside brawling went nowhere. **1/2 Announcers speculate that Chiquita Dave will quit wrestling after this loss.

2) Triple Threat: The Junker vs. Toucan Dan vs. Squirtle

Dan gets the full Nakamura entrance but the lights don’t come on until halfway through. He is RIPPED though. Dan hits a German on Junker and side suplex on Squirtle to start. Junker front suplexes Dan, who then gets butterfly suplexed by Squirtle for good measure. Junker goes for a suplerplex but Squirtle shoves him off and lands a splash on Dan, who comes back with a jawbreaker and falcon arrow. Junker plants Dan’s face but misses the middle rope elbow before hitting a bulldog on Dan. Junker pin is broken up by Squirtle, who eats a slam as the announcers figure out that this isn’t a ladder match. Squirtle goes for a belly to belly but Junker denies him this simple pleasure; Squirtle goes for it again but gets dropkicked by Dan as Squirtle is just getting buried here. Side suplex on Dan by Junker followed by Dirty Deeds to Dan and a bulldog to Squirtle. Junker-Squirtle exchange ends with Junker getting tossed as Dan recovers and hits another falcon arrow. Dan lands the second rope knee on Squirtle’s back as Junker comes back in with a neckbreaker. Junker hits the rebound lariat for the pin on Squirtle as Dan makes the slowest attempted save ever. Squirtle was clearly just there to eat the pin. **

3) The Campaign (Boy Mayor of Second Life & Totinos) vs. Toss Team (Randyjohnson & Panpan)

The Boy Mayor comes in off his electoral victory over Duran Duran to officially become the mayor of Second Life, so The Campaign is riding high. Mayor starts with Panpan and misses a dropkick before Panpan hits one of his own. Panpan whips the Mayor into a back elbow and goes after the hand before hitting a snapmare. Mayor hits a sick German and tags in Totinos, who follows with a couple of kicks and an armdrag before tagging back out. Panpan hits a neckbreaker. Randyjohnson comes in with a big lariat and hits legdrop before the Mayor lands a Thesz press into an armbar. Randyjohnson muscles out but the Mayor lands a second rope knee. Totinos back in with some strikes and tosses for one, then works on the shoulders and lands an elbow drop. Panpan comes back in with a crossbody elbow and works on Totinos for a little while before tagging and TOSSING RANDYJOHNSON OFF THE TURNBUCKLE AT TOTINOS for three. ***1/2 The strikes and tosses were a little weak in the middle, but the amazing finish more than made up for it.

4) Hell in a Cell: Turbovicki vs. Final Pam

A MFWF show is main evented by a women’s match for the first time ever, and boy is it a main-event matchup. Vicki’s face is a little off, but Pam is resplendent. Pam hits a knee on Vicki’s side and immediately goes for the chair outside. Vicki hits a side slam and send Pam back in for some hard strikes. Top rope axehandle hits but Pam dodges the big boot. Pam goes back to the side and works on Vicki’s arm. Double axehandle misses as Pam clips through Vicki, who hits a Scorpion Death Drop and a press slam into the knee for two. Vicki hits a Warrior splash and kneels on Pam with an arrogant pin for two. Pam repays her hubris by choking her on the rope. Tombstone by Pam for two. Pam sends Vicki into the corner and splashes her into Snake Eyes, the big boot, and a leg drop. Chokeslam (Choke Pam) connects, but Vicki sweeps the legs on her way back up and gets two again. You can’t seriously pin Final Pam off of that. Vicki gets the sledgehammer and hits Pam in the midsection, but Pam comes back with another Tombstone to finish. **** A little short for a main event, but Vicki got her stuff in while still putting Pam over as a monster.

This was a really fun showcase for a lot of the MFWF stars. I’m a little surprised to not see SHRECK, G.A.R.F.I.E.L.D., especially The Pebble, or any variation on Truck Shepard, but you’ve got to save something for Monster Mania 2. Recommended.