McGinn’s WWE Superstars Recap – 5/1/14

 

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Tamina gears up for her Divas Title match Sunday by facing Natalya on Superstars (Courtesy WWE)

Superstars Nation, our time is upon us. Extreme Rules is almost here and just to get in the right mood, I went to church this weekend wielding a steel folding chair. Needless to say, I didn’t have to wait in line to receive communion. I can’t say I’m too crazy about the card and that is saying something because usually I’m the type to give the benefit of the doubt. Though much like the Divas having to go on after Undertaker’s streak was broken last month, some show has to go on as a follow up to WrestleMania. It’s not the best place in the world, but at least you are booked. I’ll likely sprinkle in my thoughts and predictions in this piece but I feel like the highlight of the evening will be the endless plate of chicken wings I’m going to consume with Justin Rozzero and Andrew Flanagan. Someone pass the Tums! Superstars, meanwhile, remains the highlight of all your lives regardless of the card so let’s get to it. Sit back, tell that creepy school choir playing in your living room to pipe down and let’s head down to ringside!

Your announcers tonight are Tom Phillips and Byron Saxton.

SIN CARA VS. DAMIEN SANDOW

Two guys going absolutely nowhere fast start us off on the May Day edition of Superstars. Sin Cara is doing his best to emulate the fashion styling of the late great Randy Savage while Sandow is not trying to impersonate an iconic comic book villain, which is a step in the right direction. This is a classic “something’s gotta give” match as both guys have frequently been on the short end of the purse and I’m sure the assigned agent for this match just flipped a coin to determine the winner. As long as we’re on the topic of fashion, why did Sandow change from the pink/purple trunks? Now donning plain black, if you were creating a wrestler in a video game and wanted to create the generic grappler with a beard, he would be Damien Sandow.

The masked man was large and in charge before hitting the break scoring with his usual aerial moves including a gorgeous senton splash. Sandow would not be held down for long as he continues to show a great deal of aggression when on offense. You get your fill of stomps, clubbing strikes and down and dirty face mashing mixed with a plethora of technical rest holds. They keep building up this frustration angle with him and now I think he is willing to try anything just to win a match. Even wearing comic book pajamas to the ring but that’s a different story altogether. Sin Cara (Hunico) seems to have lost interest in his character as they don’t even dim the lights anymore for his matches. He attempted his finisher (senton off the top) but was greeted with a pair of knees to the back for his troubles. Sandow scored with his rarely used “You’re Welcome” slam and the intellectual savior must have one the coin flip. WINNER: DAMIEN SANDOW

Thoughts: Sandow has an evil grin on his face following a very rare television victory but considering what he did the rest of the week, I’m not optimistic that he is off the schnide. As for Sin Cara, bring back Hunico & Camacho and the bicycles already!

And now, a moment with Bo…

“If you can’t see yourself a winner, you’ll never be one! The power to envision your goals and the power to achieve them, are the same thing. No one ever got rich in the passenger seat. Take the wheel, take charge, and Bolieve.”

I bolieve Bo. I bolieve!

In case you missed the four times or so that they replayed this on Raw, we get another opportunity to be afraid of singing children as that scary choir in the sheep masks serenades the leader of the Cenation with Bray Wyatt. I don’t get it. I like the Wyatts as much as the next guy but since Mania, when Bray talks, it’s like the adults speaking on a Peanuts cartoon. I don’t know where it’s going since Cena probably wins this anyway unless he is planning another hiatus. I don’t see Cena turning heel or joining the family or making Bray seem sympathetic so I guess I’m struggling with what the point of all this is. I will give kudos to the kids though as they played their parts to perfection. I also may never have children after watching this so thanks WWE for that!

Oh lord. After the break we get Hugh Jackman returning to Raw for the first time since Zack Ryder was relevant. I refuse to go into great detail about this tire fire of a segment except to say that I am glad there are celebs out there in the mainstream that embrace the current product. I wish creative had more for topflight talents like Dolph and Sandow to do besides play dress up with the Hollywood guy but I suppose it’s better than being left off the show completely like the aforementioned Ryder. I don’t say it often but feel free to fast-forward this leftover, unrefrigerated meatloaf of a segment.

The Raw Rebound (as if this show wasn’t a continuous Raw Rebound) is a package of Kane’s destruction of Daniel Bryan and laying his hands on Brie Bella. I stand by what I said before. Kane is the perfect opponent for this PPV for our champion and it will be better than what most people are saying. Bryan wins Sunday and this could wind up on the Best PPV Matches of 2014 DVD in my humble opinion.

NATALYA VS. TAMINA SNUKA

A nice throwback comment by Phillips as these two ladies lock up as he mentions that Tamina cost Nattie the Divas title against AJ Lee during the winter. Tamina gets the first PPV crack at Paige’s Divas belt on Sunday and that makes sense in storyline since she was AJ’s muscle. You need someone in that spot until Lee comes back. This match is what you hope for when you see a Divas match on the card. Both come from an extensive wrestling lineage and aren’t afraid to hurt one another. Nattie even uncorked an impressive double underhook suplex in this one. As much as I love the female anatomy, there is something to be said about a match that is more about the wrestling and not about the “booty shaking.”

Of course, in the time it took me to come up with that gem of a sentence, Tamina rearranged Natalya’s face with a super kick and it’s lights out for Anvil’s daughter. WINNER: TAMINA SNUKA

Thoughts: Too quick and a tad disappointing. The point was to make Tamina look unstoppable heading into Extreme Rules but I’d have given this a few more minutes and cut out all that Jackman/Ziggler/Magneto crap from earlier. Paige should win since she is the shiny new toy in the division but I could easily see Tamina with the belt sometime this year.

In our show’s conclusion, Roman Reigns, in a preview of his inevitable main event push, took on Randy Orton from Raw. In typical “Go Home” Raw fashion, all hell broke loose and both of their respective factions blew the roof off the arena. Quick prediction: Shield wins and continues to be a thorn in Triple H’s side. Batista looks to be going away since he reportedly won’t play ball with Daniel Bryan so Evolution’s numbers already appear to be dwindling. I will buy into the theory that Triple H may add a new member or two but I just don’t see the old guard legitimately beating the Hounds of Justice. Unless Bo Dallas is the fourth member in waiting; then all bets are off!

Final Thoughts: You never want to follow Frank Sinatra, Eddie Murphy in his prime or WrestleMania but Extreme Rules will give it its best shot. Your matches this week weren’t electrifying but at least you get a Sandow victory and some PPV hype. Not the worst way to spend 49 minutes while deciding on what chicken wings to order on Sunday.

Join the conversation by liking Place to Be Nation on Facebook or follow me on Twitter @DmcG4881. Also don’t forget to hear me banter with the King of Old School as a new episode of The Steve Corino Show comes out each and every week on Place to Be Nation. Catch up on all our wonderful podcasts by clicking the podcast banner at placetobenation.com. And finally, send us your Twitter questions for the next Kevin Kelly Show by using #AsKKevin.

 

Author: Dan McGinn

Dan McGinn is a former Minor League Baseball announcer, a five-star General in the #sweatervestarmy and an all around babyface who you should be happy to take home to dinner. He also happens to write about wrestling.