McGinn’s Raw Recap – 10/27/14

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John Cena had a few things to say about The Authority’s recent offer to the former champ. (Courtesy WWE.com)

Monday Night Raw
October 27, 2014
San Antonio, TX

Greetings Nation. I have returned. Please forgive me for last week’s recap. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I was only able to give you a partial review of last week’s show. It was the “go-home” edition and I went home a touch earlier than normal. I’d like to thank Brad for picking up the slack, but you are entitled to know the full story.

There I was minding my own business – slaving over a hot keyboard – when all of a sudden the lights went out! Some bizarre gibberish began emanating from my speakers. A small lantern appeared in the middle of my family room that included a hologram of my third grade teacher trying to talk to me. As I stood their mystified, everything went black! I felt myself getting bombarded from all angles. Next thing I knew, I was getting powerbombed through my coffee table, which let me assure you, is not as fun as it looks! When I came to, Raw was almost over and it was revealed that a renegade new faction known only as the “Greenhouse Effect” had taken responsibility for the attack. Now I don’t know who those guys are or why they are targeting me, but I can assure you that extra security is stationed outside the one-bedroom palace and only lousy Bella segments will keep me from completing an entire recap this evening. So enough gum-flapping, let’s head down to ringside!

Your announcers tonight are Michael Cole, JBL and Jerry “The King” Lawler.

We start with last night’s open to the Hell in a Cell PPV from Sunday only now featuring highlights from the special event. In case you didn’t shell out the $9.99 for the Network, Ambrose was attacked by the returning Bray Wyatt and his hologram, Randy Orton was AA’d through a table and John Cena once again will receive an opportunity to get owned by Brock Lesnar. Okay, I think we’re caught up.

Standing in the ring, Triple H, Stephanie and Kane welcome us to the program we have waited all day to see. Lilian Garcia is our ring announcer tonight for those of you who already miss Justin Roberts. We get the usual Network advertising before Triple H calls last night’s PPV “bittersweet.” First Randy Orton loses but on the flip side, the COO points out the victory for the new “standard bearer” of the company. Then he welcomes to the ring, Mr. Money in the Bank, Seth Rollins who is joined by his cruiserweight stooges. Everyone is smiling and back patting as the “You Sold Out” chants begin to ring around the arena. Rollins says that the Lunatic Fringe is finally out of his hair once and for all. Ambrose is no longer a thorn in his side and that Rollin’s intellect overcame his opponent’s madness. He now has his sights set on John Cena, who Seth described as having “soundly” defeated Randy Orton on Sunday.

Let’s go Cena, Cena Sucks. Let’s Go Cena, Cena Sucks!

Rollins says that he will “see” John Cena later tonight laying in a puddle of his own failure. This brings out…Randy Orton of course! He rushes out to a pretty good pop and starts irrationally spewing attacks on Rollins and the Authority. He calls him out for the curb stomp from last week following the handicap match. Orton also mentions possibly checking himself back into anger management like he did in 2006. Finally he said that if the Authority wasn’t going to deal with him, then he will do it himself and proceeds to jump the golden child in the middle of the ring. Crowd erupts but the pair is quickly separated. Hunter says we are not doing this here and tries to calm down the Viper. The Viper says he won’t calm down until Rollins is dead! Uh oh, someone alert human resources! Serenity now!

Hunter continues to try to sooth Randall’s soul and tells him to take the night off. He says that emotions are too high following Hell in a Cell and before the COO could say another word, Orton struck with an RKO to Rollins who sold it like he was just flattened by a school bus. We even get a few “Yes” chants for old times sake! Orton got his loudest pop since probably 2011 and instantly becomes the hottest man in the company…at least for now! Awesome open!

Hulk Hogan is here Brother! I hope he doesn’t botch another promo this week. It’s almost becoming sad.

TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: GOLD & STARDUST (C) VS. MARK HENRY & BIG SHOW

JBL predicted a title change so you know we’re going to get just the opposite. We get an insert video of the Raw pre-show where Show and Henry were discussing what happened last night against Rusev. Show said he lost focus and that he specifically told Henry to stay away but Mark told his partner that he was only down there to celebrate. The World’s Strongest Man told Show to forget about the loss and take those tag straps off those the golden freaks. (I may have added that last part!)

The big guys were having fun with the crowd early as Henry responded to the “Sexual Chocolate” chants from the Universe. He even gyrated his mammoth hips into Stardust’s midsection in the corner. Those fun times, however, would not last as Henry took exception to the way Show tagged him just before the break. Just when it looked like Show was about to win the belts with a knockout punch to Stardust, Henry entered the ring, said a few words to his best friend, and delivered a World’s Strongest Slam to Show. Henry draped the lifeless corpse of Stardust onto the giant and another tepid heel turn has commenced. WINNERS: GOLD & STARDUST

I saw this coming a mile away and all I can say is YAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWNN! After the match, Henry scores with two more WSSs and then splashes onto Big Show while proclaiming, “That’s what I do!” May this be a lesson to the rest of you out there, never give Mark Henry a hard tag! As for the tag champs, thanks for coming out tonight. Your check is in the mail!

After the break, Renee tries to track down Henry, who says the Show has always been jealous of him. Whatever. Henry will be a smiling face taking F-5s from Lesnar in three months and by then Show will probably will have turned heel. These guys change sides more than Oregon changes uniforms.

Now we get a closer look at Roman Reigns featuring highlights of his meteoric rise prior to his injury. Then via satellite, he cuts a promo on Rollins saying that he constantly hides behind people. Roman goes on to say that when he is medically cleared, he will make the “future” of the company the “past.” Powerful words. Get well soon Double R!

DIVAS CHAMP AJ LEE VS. ALICIA FOX

Paige is at the announce table and blames her bestie, Alicia, for her loss last night. Between the three women involved in this match, there is a great deal of crazy chick going on in the Lone Star State. There’s a cool little angle going on with Alicia trying to gain Paige’s approval and this would make even more sense if Paige actually owned the Divas Title. Pretty good banter at the table was ruined by Paige getting up and screaming at Fox and shoving her from the apron. AJ rolled her up following the distraction to end the match. Paige then superkicks Alicia and attacks her after the bell. Paige calls Alicia “the worst best friend” though she should see how Justin Rozzero treats me on a week-to-week basis. Anyway, King comes out to help Fox as Paige walks off. WINNER: AJ LEE

Hour one concludes with an appearance by my hero and yours, Mr. John Cena. Somehow life feels better now that he’s arrived. My Cherry Coke Zero tastes better, my dog’s (@KingBasil1110) funk smells much less pungent, we may even see peace in the Middle East. Ok, back to Cena. He shamelessly starts with sports by congratulating the Spurs on their banner raising on Tuesday. He recaps last night’s match with Randy Orton for a chance to face The Beast. He says that Brock thinks he’s a champion while Cena is here fighting like a champion. He says that everything he does from here on out will be a statement for Brock Lesnar. Beating Orton was step one and statement two will be whipping The Authority’s standard bearer tonight. Tonight John plans on going through “the future” of the company. This prompts Stephanie to come back out to address this burgeoning situation.

She congratulates him on his victory and can’t wait for the main event with Rollins. Steph then announces that there will be a traditional Survivor Series elimination match at next month’s pay-per-view. She tries to talk him into doing what’s best for business and to stop pandering to the audience. Steph tells them that the people don’t matter and offers him a chance to join The Authority. He would be loved and appreciated by Hunter and the team. She said they would offer him some insurance against Brock Lesnar who has soundly beaten him in the past. It is then offered that the winner of tonight’s main event will be the captain of Team Authority at the Survivor Series.

Cena only wants an opportunity to come to the ring and express how much he loves the people. He says that he is here for all of them. In so many words, he tells McMahon to take her offer and stick it because he won’t become a lowlife sellout. Hunter then comes out and insults the leader of the Cenation. He says that Cena is just eeking it out and hanging by a thread since he can’t fight the future. The COO says it doesn’t have to be that hard. Hunter says he will have to prove it. At Survivor Series, it will be Team Authority vs. Team Cena and John can pick anyone in the locker room who is willing to support him. Hunter then proclaims that Cena must smarten up to the fact that The Authority is the future and we all know that The Authority always wins.

I really hope Cena picks some guys that can be elevated up the card and steers clear of doing something stupid like bringing back the Four Doinks. I’d love it if he chose Ambrose, The Usos and Sami Zayn but that’s just one man’s opinion. I am glad they are going with the traditional elimination match though. If you ask me, the whole card should be those types of matches. With the champ being a part-timer, would it kill us to go back to 1989 for at least one PPV?

THE USOS VS. THE MIZ & DAMIEN MIZDOW

Typical filler tag match to cool down the crowd. Fans are still gaga over Mizdow and with his performance last night, it’s not a stretch to see why! My brother, who hasn’t been a wrestling fan since the early 90s, was marking out to him mimicking Miz’s movements at HIAC. He’s been amazing in this role and starting to steal Miz’s spotlight. During the match, the announcers speculate as to who would be willing to join Cena against The Authority. JBL says no one but then predicts that Hornswoggle, El Torito and Heath Slater are probably crazy enough to do it. Definitely the highlight of hour two so far. Back to the match where Jimmy and Jey use some twin magic to fool Miz and steal a victory away from the A-Lister. WINNERS: THE USOS

In the back we see Cena having a private conversation with Intercontinental Champion Dolph Ziggler. You can’t hear what’s going on but just before the commercial, the two men shake hands fueling speculation by Jerry that Cena has already found his first teammate. Not a bad choice if it holds up!

Following a commercial for Chrisley, Ziggler is met in the hallway by Kane who challenges him to a fight tonight. Apparently Ziggler’s chat with Cena was interpreted as an aggressive act against The Authority. So much for Dolph main eventing the next pay-per-view.

Hulkamania is running wild in San Antonio! He is still sporting his pink t-shirt and expressed his happiness with John Cena for beating Orton last night. He also looks forward to seeing his champion beat that no good Brock Lesnar. In addition, the Hulkster is happy to be the spokesman for breast cancer awareness in the company and invites all the survivors to stand up in the arena. Still can’t tell if he is saying Komen or Coleman but he has the 24 inch pythons so who am I to correct him? It still was pretty cool to see some of those cancer survivors in the ring posing with my childhood hero though.

BO DALLAS VS. ???

The inspirational one issued an open challenge and answering that call was none other than “Feed Me More” Ryback who is making a triumphant return. He gets a 2012 ovation from the Texas crowd and his music even now has lyrics again. I guess this offsets the Henry heel turn from earlier. It pains me to see Bo in the role of cannon fodder but it’s actually great to see the Big Guy again. Meet hook followed by Shell Shock and this one is history! WINNER: RYBACK

CESARO VS. DEAN AMBROSE

Aww geez! I would not want to be Cesaro right now! Ambrose doesn’t even go to the ring deciding to stand on the announce table instead. He grabs the mic and says he went to hell last night and enjoyed every minute of it until he found Bray Wyatt down there. He starts to become unglued and proceeds to attack The King of Swing with the microphone. Cesaro tries to retreat to no avail. WINNER: NO CONTEST

Ambrose now calls out Bray Wyatt and that maniac answers the call with his new intro. Bray says they are both victims of a system that makes men torture. Bray talks of how looking at Ambrose is like looking in a deranged mirror. Bray is not Dean’s brother or friend but does go on to say that he is Dean. His plan is to dismantle his mind and feed on the spoils while instructing Ambrose to run. Oh man! Writing a recap on Bray is so tough. I now yearn for the days when he was being buried. I think I need to lie down.

Okay, I’m back. Aww Shit, it’s the Bellas!

NIKKI BELLA (W/ BRIE BELLA) VS. NAOMI

This sucks. This really sucks. If Brie Bella was someone anyone cared about, we would be outraged that she is constantly on the short end of the stick in this feud. Losing to Steph at SummerSlam was one thing. Those hideous Being Bella segments were the pits as well. Losing every physical encounter and interview segment to her “enhanced” twin week in and week out has not been fun to watch, trust me on that one. And now she has to be her slave for the next month. I may throw myself through my coffee table this week! Meanwhile, I would say Naomi deserves much better than this, but I’m sure she is laughing all the way to bank. I just can’t see a scenario in the real world where someone as talented as Mrs. Uso would ever lose a fight against someone like Nikki Bella. Brie reluctantly causes a distraction and now I’m depressed. WINNER: NIKKI BELLA

Did you know that it only took two weeks for Raw to score a higher rating than Monday Night Football in Mexico? That must have been the week that the St. Louis Rams were playing. ZING!

Oh hey Royal Rumble. Coming to Philly this year? Guess what? PTB Nation will be there too!

CORPORATE KANE VS. IC CHAMP DOLPH ZIGGLER

Ziggler is used to this since he was the whipping boy of The Authority back when this angle started in 2013. He was even the first guy to job to Rollins after he turned on The Shield months ago so this is old hat. That was quite impressive that he swept Cesaro in a two-out-of-three falls match 24 hours ago, but that might be the high point for the rest of his year. After the break, Dolph face busters Kane into the mat but he was unable to cover the Director of Operations. He then ate a wicked uppercut for his troubles. Say what you will about Ziggy, the guy takes a pretty mean beating each and every week. He starts his comeback by doing the punches in the corner followed by a neckbreaker. It was all for naught though as Kane caught him with a sidewalk slam. Kane’s attempt on the top turnbuckle went about as well as you’d expect and on his way down he took a famouser instead. He regained control and tried to put Dolph away with a chokeslam but the IC champ countered with a sunset flip to pick up the flash pin. WINNER: DOLPH ZIGGLER

So everything was fine and dandy and I was praying for a commercial so Dolph would be spared but alas, out came Seth Rollins who jumped Ziggy from behind. The Authority members double team Ziggler for a few minutes before Cena’s music blasted! Big Johnny cleared the ring and raised Dolph’s hand in victory and it appears Team Cena is starting to take shape!

JOHN CENA VS. SETH ROLLINS (W/ MERCURY & NOBLE)

Rollins whispered to Mercury before the match got started, probably discussing Joey’s short run in the Straight Edge Society. He also has the DDP tape job on his ribs following his beating from last night in the cell. Seth is having difficulty breathing and I’m sure that RKO from earlier isn’t helping matters one iota. Cena starts pummeling the golden child who employs the good heel strategy of hiding behind his security guards in order to gain the edge. Mercury even gets a good sucker punch in to help the cause. I wonder if he’ll be on Team Authority! Noble gets in on the action too and this starts to look more like a handicap match. Rollins measures Cena with fists in the corner though it’s painfully obvious that he is not 100%. Every move is causing his abdomen to flare up. It’s almost painful to watch.

During the break, Cena had a micro-sized comeback that even featured John handing Mercury a receipt for that sucker punch from before. Rollins then introduced the captain to some steal steps and the two got well acquainted. Cena was so completely off his game from their that not even his vaunted shoulder blocks were effective. Though that didn’t stop Rollins from making the ill-advised decision to splash onto Cena on the outside and thus slamming his injured ribs into the announce table. I’ll give him credit for still wanting to put on a show.

The guys kept battling making me think that this would have been better served on a PPV. Awesome spot happened when Cena back body dropped Rollins onto his security team who sacrificed themselves for The Authority. They trade a few high spots with Cena trying to land an AA off the top rope, but ended up getting thrown into the opposite corner instead. He did dodge the Curb Stomp and hooked in the STF nearly getting Rollins to tap. But Seth signaled for the hounds to come unleashed as Kane broke up the hold thus ending the match. WINNER: JOHN CENA BY DQ

Mercury and Noble hit the ring as well and it was 4-on-1 until Dolph booked it down the aisle to save his teammate. The odds still weren’t all that terrific for our heroes, so out came the locker room to chase off The Authority and then to beat on each other I guess. Chaos ensued, Rollins got away, Cena stands tall and now speculation of who will join the fight against Triple H begins.

Honestly, not a bad show at all. It had a tremendous flow and set up some juicy storylines. Say what you will about Ambrose/Wyatt but their promos alone will make that feud interesting. Orton as a tweener intrigues me because he could be a wild card in the Survivor Series match. I think The Authority needs to increase their numbers if Orton is on his way out unless they are serious about bringing Mercury and Noble back into the fold. Oh and we were spared from an insipid Rusev segment so BONUS! Even the stuff I hated got offset by something cool. Henry’s turn was edged by Ryback’s return and the Hogan stuff negated the Bella crap.

Solid performance and I’m now ready to move onto Survivor Series!

As for the “Greenhouse Effect,” I’m still standing fellas!

Join the conversation by following me on “The Twitter” @DMacP2B. Still not enough McGinn? I’m on a podcast called “The Steve Corino Show” every other Friday and you can send us questions @SteveCorinoShow.

Author: Dan McGinn

Dan McGinn is a former Minor League Baseball announcer, a five-star General in the #sweatervestarmy and an all around babyface who you should be happy to take home to dinner. He also happens to write about wrestling.