May 30, 2014
The current WWE champs are as follows:
WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan (4/6/2014)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Bad News Barrett (5/4/2014)
WWE U.S. Champion: Sheamus (5/5/2014)
WWE Divas Champion: Paige (4/7/2014)
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Usos (3/3/2014)
Your hosts are Michael Cole & JBL.
Here comes the Shield to start the show. Unfortunately, they aren’t here to wrestle. They’re just here to talk. They come out and explain the rules for their “No Holds Barred” elimination match with Evolution this Sunday at Payback without “feeling” like they are telling you the rules by telling everybody what they’re going to do to Evolution. Ambrose is the highlight of the piece asking Evolution just how crazy are they willing to get at Payback. Rollins explains how you can become outnumbered during an elimination match and the advantages that would bring to one team. Reigns threatens to destroy Evolution and every announce table possible for putting him through an announce table this past week on Raw. Believe in the Shield.
To hype tonight’s Champion vs. Champion match between Bad News Barrett and Sheamus, they show a video highlighting the great WWE IC champions over the years. Pat Patterson, Honky Tonk Man (?), Mr. Perfect, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Triple H, and of course the current champ Bad News Barrett.
– Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman) vs. Kofi Kingston
Fun fact: Kofi Kingston ended Cesaro’s US title reign on April 15, 2013. Try and wrap your head around that reality. What a difference a year makes. Glorified squash for Cesaro. At one point, he counters a deep armdrag and yanks Kofi up into a backbreaker. From there, Cesaro shows off his strength with a military press slam. Kingston surprises Cesaro with a few nearfalls, but springboards into a Very European Uppercut to give Cesaro the win. (3:00) Afterwards, Cesaro leaves Kingston laying with the Neutralizer. *
IC champ Bad News Barrett speaks with Renee Young. If you think he’s going to lose his title to Rob Van Dam at Payback, Barrett is afraid he’s got some bad news. Tonight, Barrett faces Sheamus in a non-title match. I don’t know why they keep making a big deal about a guy not being from the United States shouldn’t be holding the U.S. title when four of the last five U.S. champs have not been from the U.S. Go ahead, look it up. It’s true.
– Non-title match: WWE Divas Champion Paige vs. Tamina Snuka
Paige meets Alicia Fox at Payback. Fox comes out and takes selfies with the people who paid the outrageous ticket prices to sit in the front row. I guess that’s a fair trade. She takes the Divas title off the timekeeper’s table and poses around ringside, which gets Paige all distracted. Superkick by Tamina gets two. Regardless, Paige slips away from the Samoan Drop and hits the Paige Turner before finishing with the PTO. (3:00) Instead of stealing the belt, Alicia leaves the Divas title in the aisle and blows Paige a kiss goodbye. Take the belt, dummy! ¾*
The U.S. champ Sheamus meets with Renee Young backstage. As far as Cesaro and Paul Heyman goes, it’s now *personal*. As for tonight, Sheamus calls his opponent “Broken Nose” Barrett once he lands the Brogue Kick. It’s time to fight. That’s not bad news, that’s good news, fella.
– Bo Dallas vs. Xavier Woods
Not even R-Truth wants to stand by Xavier Woods during this encounter. Dallas brags about how he’s 2-0 in WWE competition. Another glorified squash tonight. Bo does his thing flipping out over the smallest accomplishments. He lands a series of knee drops on Xavier. Woods fires back with forearm smashes and clotheslines. He comes off the top, but Dallas dropkicks him on the way down. The Bo Dog is enough to pin Woods. (3:00) All you have to do is bolieve, everybody. ¾*
– El Torito (w/Los Matadores) vs. Jinder Mahal (w/Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre, and Hornswoggle)
Torito has some Brutus Beefcake clippers with him tonight. He will be facing Hornswoggle in a “hair vs. mask” match at Payback. Did I mention El Torito got his tail pulled off this past week on Raw? Yeah, that actually happened. Mahal atomic drops Torito where his tail used to be. Now it just looks like there’s a taped up penis on Torito’s butt. JBL recalls a time where Billy Kidman and Psychosis had a “hair vs. mask” match in WCW. He thinks Kidman lost and had to take off his mask. I’m pretty sure none of that is true. While 3MB and Los Matadores brawl, Torito hits a sunset flip powerbomb on Mahal and delivers a Flying Moonsault for the win. (1:45) Hornswoggle tries to jump Torito after the bell, but he gets scared away by the Beefcake clippers. ¼*
The WWE U.S. title gets some love, too. Standout champions include Harley Race, Sting, Dusty Rhodes, Lex Luger, Eddie Guerrero, the Big Show, John Cena, and of course the current champ Sheamus.
– Non-title match: WWE U.S. Champion Sheamus vs. WWE Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett
Paul Heyman joins us at the commentary table obviously to scout Sheamus. Punches are thrown back and forth to start. Barrett hits that silly swinging suplex out of the corner. To the floor we go, Barrett delivers the Cactus Jack elbow drop off the apron. Back inside, Sheamus fires back with the Finlay Roll and clotheslines Barrett to the floor. Sheamus then comes off the apron with a shoulder tackle. Barrett avoids a whip into the stairs, mule kicks the stairs into Sheamus, and clotheslines him down to take us into commercial. When we return, Sheamus runs through his signature comeback until he charges into a knee and receives a superkick from Barrett for two. Irish Curse backbreaker gets two and here comes the chest-pounding on the apron. Back inside, Barrett sidesteps the Brogue Kick and hits Winds of Change for 1-2-NO! Wasteland gets countered to a crucifix for two, but then Sheamus stands up and connects with the Brogue Kick for the pinfall. (7:15 shown) Afterwards, Sheamus goes over and grabs Heyman by the tie. As the best manager in wrestling, he reacts accordingly. Lots of fun high impact stuff in this one. I think I would have preferred a Cesaro run-in with RVD making the save though instead of one champion winning over the other. **½
Renee Young meets with the WWE tag champs the Usos. Jey’s ribs are taped up. Tonight, Jimmy Uso throws the rulebook out in a last man standing match! Family first!
– Big E vs. Titus O’Neil
Last time these two met on Smackdown, it was pretty intense. Let’s see what happens next. Big E carries with him the American flag chanting “U-S-A” as he comes to the ring. HOOOOOO! Nothing like some good old fashioned wrestling jingoism. Lana comes out and tells us about what she feels is a superior “red, white, and blue” flag. Out comes Rusev carrying the Bulgarian flag. Titus doesn’t give a crap about any of this and nails Big E from behind. Apparently, Titus O’Neil hates America. So pumped over seeing Rusev and that other flag, Big E fights back with the usual and finishes with the Big Ending to win at 1:00. Afterwards, they wave the flag at each other until it’s just time to move on. ½*
– Adam Rose vs. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter)
I still think Adam Rose should receive about fifteen Stone Cold Stunners. Luckily for us, Zeb Colter joins us at the commentary table. He feels all of Adam Rose’s followers should be imprisoned for impersonating human beings. HA. JBL – “What kind of a *man* brings a lollipop to a fight?” THANK YOU. Harpo Marx and the lemonade vendor from “Duck Soup” comes to mind watching this match. Silly rollup by Rose gets the win. (2:30) If you don’t know what I’m talking about, just YouTube it. ½*
Video package airs highlighting the WWE world title situation. Daniel Bryan will not give up the championship. In fact, he told Stephanie McMahon NO! NO! NO! If Daniel Bryan doesn’t give up the WWE championship at Payback, his wife Brie Bella will be fired. So what? Her hubby is a main event guy making that main event cash. And if Brie is fired from WWE and she doesn’t ever wrestle again, it’s not like Van Gogh losing his paint brush.
– Last Man Standing Match: Bray Wyatt (w/Luke Harper & Erick Rowan) vs. Jimmy Uso (w/Jey Uso)
Jimmy fights back and knocks Bray to the floor for the no-hands plancha. After some ringside brawling, they head back inside as Bray delivers the running senton. Wyatt follows up with an avalanche and Jimmy makes it up to his feet at six. Jimmy comes back with a Samoan Drop. Bray gets knocked out to the floor, allowing Jimmy to run down the barricade ala Jeff Hardy. Wyatt ducks the leap, but eats a superkick. Back inside, Bray connects with the running body block. Crab walk! Jimmy fights off a superplex and hits the Samoan Splash. Wyatt is up at eight. He tosses Jimmy out for some ringside violence and teases a powerbomb, but Jimmy breaks free and enziguri kicks him down. Buttalanche up against the barricade! Wyatt has to use the steps to stand up at the count of nine. Meanwhile, Harper and Rowan jump Jey. Jimmy saves his brother and superkicks Wyatt away. With Bray laid up against the steps, Jimmy tries another buttalanche only to miss and hit the steps! Sister Abigail on the floor! That’s enough for Bray Wyatt to pick up the victory. (12:00) Pretty fun PG brawl from these two. Didn’t go too far where they couldn’t follow what happens this Sunday, but good enough to give you a taste of what happens in this type of match. ***
Until next week, so long for now.