Matt’s Smackdown Recap 11/29/13

WWE: Smackdown
November 29, 2013
Uncasville, CT
Mohegan Sun Arena

The current WWE champs are as follows:
WWE Champion: Randy Orton (10/27/2013)
World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena (10/27/2013)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Big E Langston (11/18/2013)
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose (5/19/2013)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes & Goldust (10/14/2013)
WWE Divas Champion: AJ Lee (10/16/2013)

NOTE: I apologize for the lateness on this recap. I had some unexpected Thanksgiving plans come up, so you’ll have to cut me a little bit of slack this week.

Backstage is where this show begins. Vickie Guerrero is overseeing a leftovers Thanksgiving feast for some of the lower midcard WWE superstars. Gobbledy Gooker is here! I guess they don’t get paid enough for an actual Thanksgiving meal, so they get the leftovers. Nevertheless, Great Khali and Titus O’Neil have a food eating contest. No winner is declared as Khali is chomping down on a turkey leg. Let’s go to the ring.

Your hosts are Michael Cole and JBL.

– Mark Henry (w/Big E Langston) vs. Curtis Axel (w/Ryback)

Ryback getting in a cheapshot on Langston causes Henry to get distracted and allows Axel to take control. Henry escapes a chinlock and starts headbutting Axel on his knees like Junkyard Dog. To the floor, Langston draws Ryback into a clothesline to get his retribution. Back in, Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam for the win. (3:00) Langston and Ryback could be a fun one. ½*

In the back, R-Truth and Xavier Woods watch his appearance with the Funkadactyls. You know how they do. They just havin’ some fun. Brodus Clay comes in their locker room accusing Xavier of being some nobody rookie trying to steal his girls. R-Truth feels Brodus needs to check himself before he wrecks himself though. Tensai hears the ruckus and backs Brodus up out of that locker room. Don’t worry ya’ll, he’s gonna handle it.

Renee Young introduces the WWE champion Randy Orton to the ring. She explains how Orton needed “the authority” at Survivor Series in order to defeat the Big Show. Orton begs to differ and says that he was playing possum. If anything, the appearance of “the authority” tainted his victory. We switch gears as John Cena has challenged Randy Orton to a TLC match coming up at the TLC PPV with both the world and WWE titles on the line. Renee announces that “the authority” has accepted the challenge for Orton. She wants to know if he feels betrayed or abandoned by “the authority” for their decision. Orton refuses to comment and walks away pissed off at the world.

Let’s check in with the eating contest. Titus is looking bad and Khali looks emotionless as usual. AJ Lee and Tamina Snuka stop by. Vickie says they are not welcome here, so either they will leave or join the eating contest. So yeah, they leave. Back to the contest, Titus looks like he can’t eat another thing when Khali falls face down into a pumpkin pie, giving Titus the victory. For his reward, Vickie puts Titus in a match with Antonio Cesaro, TONIGHT.

– 3MB vs. Los Matadores & El Torito

This week, 3MB call themselves the Plymouth Rockers, wear pilgrim hats, and come out to the Rockers theme, which I’m not surprised any one popped for considering their current core audience wasn’t even alive when Shawn and Marty were a team. Silly match showcasing El Torito with everybody selling for a little person. Jobbing them out all the time to actual superstars is one thing, but having them take a bunch of moves from a little person is super degrading. At this point, you have to ask yourself why these guys are even in the WWE if they can’t even handle a 4-foot tall person? You never saw Barry Horowitz or Iron Mike Sharpe jobbing to Little Tokyo. Just saying. McIntyre takes Los Matadores finish to end this in 3:00. ½*

– Tons of Funk (w/the Funkadactyls) vs. R-Truth & Xavier Woods

R-Truth and Xavier try to have a fun little match with Tensai, but Brodus is PISSED. When he gets the tag, he runs Truth off the apron and destroys Xavier with a flying splash for the win in 2:30. Looks like everything is back to normal with Tons of Funk and the Funkadactyls. ¾*

In the back, Renee Young grabs CM Punk for a quick word. Punk claims he hasn’t heard from Daniel Bryan since Monday night. He also has no idea why the Shield attacked him in the first place. Maybe they want to be close to the “Best in the World” or maybe they are just acting out orders from a higher authority. When he finds out, it’s the Shield who are going to need protection.

Elsewhere from the deepest darkest places in the arena, Bray Wyatt speaks for his family. He says Daniel Bryan will be safe with them. He will enter the lion’s den as a man, but will emerge a monster.

– Titus O’Neil (w/Darren Young) vs. Antonio Cesaro (w/Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter)

A sluggish O’Neil wrestles at half speed and gets dominated. Cesaro gives him a gutwrench suplex and the Giant Swing before Young jumps in and gets Titus DQ’ed after 2:00. Afterwards, WWE comedy ensues. Titus vomits in JBL’s hat and puts the hat on Cole. Colter gets grabbed and vomited on. It’s all so ridiculous. ¼*

Time for the Raw Rebound. They show the Cena/Orton confrontation and the tag team main event. For details, check out Scott’s Raw Recap.

– WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns (w/Dean Ambrose)

Time for some ‘RASSLIN. Ambrose joins Cole and JBL for commentary. He’s golden, no surprise there. Goldust and Cody have little trouble dealing with the Shield boys for the first several minutes. They clean house and get all excited, which takes us into commercial. When we return, Cody shortly becomes *your* face in peril. Ambrose informs us that when you’re in the Shield’s corner, it’s the wrong part of town, pal. Hot tag to Goldust, he is rocking and rolling all over Reigns. Several nearfalls ensue. Rollins comes in and takes a clothesline to the floor. Meanwhile, Reigns runs him down to the floor as well to take us into another commercial break. We got us an old-fashioned double heat here tonight. Goldust is stuck on the Shield side of the ring. There’s little he can do about it until he hits the back elbow out of the corner knocking both Rollins and Reigns down. Hot tag to Cody, he hits Rollins with a springboard missile dropkick. Booker T rollup gets two. Can’t deliver the moonsault press, but does give Rollins the Muscle Buster for two. Out to the floor, Cody splashes both Rollins and Reigns. Back in, Cody completely misses the moonsault press. He ducks a springboard though from Rollins, who then charges into the Cross Rhodes. Cover by Cody, but Dean Ambrose runs in for the DQ. (16:00 shown) Good match, but they have done better. Just a solid double heat segment and not much else. CM Punk appears with a chair in hand. As he takes out the Shield, Vickie Guerrero appears on the TitanTron and creates an impromptu six-man tag. ***

– Goldust, Cody Rhodes & CM Punk vs. The Shield

When we come back, the match has already started and Ambrose is getting his butt handed to him. Tag to Rollins, he receives the same treatment. Punk busts out the Muta Lock while Cody half crabs the other leg. Pretty sweet. Rollins sends Cody’s face down onto the middle turnbuckle and put the boots to him to turn the tide. Commercials! Short heat segment on Cody builds to a hot tag to Punk. It looks like he’s going to put Ambrose away when the Wyatt family appear. That huge distraction allows the Shield to take control over Punk. Another short heat segment as Punk fights out with a DDT/neckbreaker combo on Ambrose and Rollins. Before Punk can make the tag, the Wyatt family pull Cody and Goldust off the apron for ANOTHER DQ. (8:00 shown) Next thing you know, the Usos and Rey Mysterio appear to even the odds. Since Vickie demands order on her show, she actually comes out onto the stage this time and makes an impromptu TWELVE-man tag. Why not. **

– The Usos, Rey Mysterio, Goldust, Cody Rhodes & CM Punk vs. The Shield and the Wyatt Family

This is started during the commercial break. Jimmy Uso gets stuck on the worst side of town possible. Eventually, he sneaks past Harper and makes the tag to Mysterio. Tilt-a-whirl DDT and a Seated Senton take down Harper, but all it takes is one big boot to put Mysterio down for two. Bray tags in for an avalanche. Next, Rowan tags in for a nasty bearhug. Rey fights off the Shield though and makes the tag to Punk. He takes Rowan off his feet with the suicide dive. Back inside, Punk hits about three running knees in the corner and the swinging neckbreaker connects. Macho Elbow gets two as the match breaks down. The Usos do their stereo dives onto Rollins and Harper. GTS to Rowan gets countered as Bray interrupts. He looks for Sister Abigail, but Rey dropkicks him away. Rey turns around into Rowan, but headscissors him into position for 619. With the big man staggered, Punk levels him with the GTS for the win. (9:00 shown) I don’t see how you could be disappointed with the ending. In the words of Scott Keith, this is Perfectly Acceptable Wrestling. **½

Final Thoughts: The first hour was mostly junk, while the second hour was devoted completely to the tag division. If you’ve read any of my WCW recaps, you’ll know how much I love tag team wrestling, so this is all perfectly fine with me. Keep doing what you’re doing, Smackdown.