Matt’s Smackdown Recap 10/25/13

Two days before Hell in a Cell, Paul Heyman and Ryback send CM Punk a message by beating the crap out of "CM Skunk". [Photo Courtesy of WWE]
Two days before Hell in a Cell, Paul Heyman and Ryback send CM Punk a message by beating the crap out of “CM Skunk”. [Photo Courtesy of WWE]
WWE: Smackdown
October 25, 2013
Birmingham, AL

The current WWE champs are as follows:
WWE Champion: Vacant (9/16/2013)
World Heavyweight Champion: Alberto Del Rio (6/16/2013)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Curtis Axel (6/16/2013)
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose (5/19/2013)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes & Goldust (10/14/2013)
WWE Divas Champion: AJ Lee (6/16/2013)

ICYMI: The Big Show ‘hacked’ his way onto Raw this past week “Live Via Satellite” and then later showed up driving a big rig inside the arena to disrupt the Bryan/Orton contract signing for ‘Hell in a Cell’ to piss off the McMahon-Helmsleys. They sure did wait until the last minute to get *that* done. For more information and a better description, check out Scott’s Raw Recap!

Your hosts are Michael Cole and JBL.

We kick off the program with Michael Cole in the ring introducing the COOHHH. Cole wants to talk about the Big Show, but all Triple H can say is that six people were fired on Tuesday as a direct result of Big Show’s actions. Cole changes gears and asks Triple H about the World Heavyweight Champion Alberto Del Rio taking on the returning John Cena at ‘Hell in a Cell’. HHH responds saying that he’s looking forward to the match and having John Cena back. Now Cole mentions the controversy over the vacancy of the WWE title and Shawn Michaels’ guarantee that the WWE title will go around the waist of the winner of the Hell in a Cell match. HHH wants nothing more than to have a WWE champion. Cole stirs the pot a little saying that COOHHH and Shawn Michaels agree on a lot of things, but they both disagree on Daniel Bryan. Triple H tries to reassure Cole that no matter what, he and Shawn both agree on what is best for the WWE. With a look of complete confidence, HHH says he knows Shawn will do the right thing. Cole asks what the right thing is and that’s when Daniel Bryan interrupts. Cole has disappeared back to the announce table. Bryan tells Triple H that it doesn’t matter what anyone else (Triple H, Big Show, the Shield) wants to see happen because there will be a definitive winner. No one gets in and no one gets out. Has Daniel Bryan ever seen a Hell in a Cell match? People have been breaking in and out of that thing since the very beginning. He also adds that Shawn is his own man and will show no favoritism to either competitor. He then tells COOHHH that he will prove him wrong and become the new WWE Champion. Bryan goes into ‘YES-chant’ mode until Triple H decides to leave.

The Usos vs. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan (w/Bray Wyatt)

The Miz joins us for commentary. He says Bray Wyatt looks like Charles Manson fell asleep at a Jimmy Buffett concert, which might be the most entertaining thing he’s ever said. When the Usos get hot and start flying, Bray Wyatt hops up from his rocking chair to help Harper. That’s when Miz gets up from his seat and runs over to boot Bray down. Well, Rowan saw the whole thing and chases after Miz, leaving Harper all alone for Stereo Superkicks by the Usos for the win at 2:34. ¾*

Non-title match: WWE Divas Champion AJ Lee (w/Tamina) vs. Nikki Bella (w/Brie Bella)

Cole and JBL laugh about the Bellas appearing on Jimmy Kimmel this past week. Short back and forth match here. AJ works her over with a neckbreaker and a chinlock to crimp the neck working towards her finisher. Common sense wrestling. When Tamina gets near Nikki though, Brie attacks Tamina and pays dearly with a toss into the steps. Black Widow gets the submission victory over Nikki in 2:32. ¾*

In case you’re unfamiliar with who he is because you’ve been living in Tanzania for the past twelve years, let’s take a special video look at the career of somebody named John Cena. I sound sarcastic here, but it’s actually a pretty cool video.

Somewhere in a dark corner of the BJCC, the Wyatt family have the Miz beaten unconscious and chained down with his shirt ripped and “LIAR” written on his chest. Bray says that he tried to warn the Miz and fears he will now truly understand what it means to follow the buzzards. Now that’s awesome.

Los Matadores (w/El Torito) vs. 3MB

The Real Americans watch on from the ramp. Another squash for Los Matadores. Double reverse STO pins McIntyre in 2:00. The Real Americans do nothing but point at Los Matadores while Mahal gets gored to the floor and receives an Asai Moonsault by El Torito. Zeb Colter finally speaks and chastises Los Matadores for putting a poor man in a bull suit. Only evil deviants would do such a thing. He vows revenge on them at ‘Hell in a Cell’. ½*

No-DQ Handicap match: Ryback & Paul Heyman vs. “CM Skunk”

Why couldn’t they have booked CP Munk instead? It’s just a local guy doing a CM Punk impression with a white streak down the middle of his dark hair. Ryback annihilates him with powerbombs. Tag to Heyman, he pulls out a kendo stick from under the ring and abuses Skunk. There’s the Shell Shock and Heyman pins him with his foot on his face in 3:45. Heyman says that despite the whole CM Skunk thing, he reminds us how deadly serious they are about ‘Hell in a Cell’. No rating.

Backstage, Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero apparently just now got the skunk joke because she’s laughing like it’s the first time. Hey look, it’s Big E Langston. He wants to replace the Miz in the main event since he’s a little tied up. Vickie says she’ll run it by HHH and give him an answer. Big E calls her out telling her that she’s the GM of Smackdown and should make the decision herself. When Big E compares her to Brad Maddox, Vickie quickly puts him in the main event and demands that he never compare her to that other obnoxious GM again. Shouldn’t someone be trying to go and help the Miz? Oh, what am I saying.

Alberto Del Rio comes out wearing a nice dark GQ suit and carrying the Mexican flag. Long story short, he’s going to slap the Cross Armbreaker on John Cena and never let go. As for all of us gringos, we can all kiss his behind.

The Great Khali (w/Hornswoggle & Natalya) vs. Fandango (w/Summer Rae)

Fandango is trying to chop down the tree that is Great Khali until the women end up fighting in the ring for the DQ in 1:30. Afterwards, Fandango takes a Brain Chop. All the same, Summer Rae is amazing.

Daniel Bryan, Goldust, Cody Rhodes & Big E Langston vs. The Shield & Randy Orton

Very disappointing. My love for multi-man tags stem from the 1980s Four Horsemen and the Dangerous Alliance days and this was nothing like it. The two distinct feuds that make up this match were rarely played upon. Orton wasn’t trying to stay away from Bryan and Bryan wasn’t really wanting to get a piece of Orton like you would expect from two guys who have been feuding for two months. Cody and Goldust played FIP for most of the match, but even that wasn’t very compelling because they never really milked the tags-that-never-happen. Of course, Bryan gets the hottest tag of the night and destroys the Shield at every turn. Finally some interaction between Orton and Bryan occurs with a suicide dive through the ropes, but then he tries to win the match by kicking Ambrose’s head off and applying the Yes Lock instead of getting his hands on Orton. When Rollins saves Ambrose, Big E tries the Big Ending. That fails, but in comes Rhodes to wipe out Rollins with the Disaster Kick. To the outside, Rhodes flies down on top of Rollins and Reigns. JBL – “He didn’t learn that from daddy!” Ha. Back in the ring, Bryan misses a corner dropkick on Ambrose, allowing a tag to Orton. He nails the DDT through the ropes and sets up for the RKO. In comes Big E to distract. Orton tries to surprise him with the RKO, but Big E shoves him off into the Busaiku Knee Kick to give Bryan the pinfall victory over Orton. (15:55 shown) I’m sorry, but the last minute or so of excitement wasn’t enough to change my mind about this one. It certainly had the potential for an instant classic though. **

Final Thoughts: Outside of the main event and even the opening interview, this was an entertaining show. You grow a little tired of the COOHHH/Bryan feud on Smackdown because it’s never really anything but a direct response from Raw. However, the rest of the show built up the ‘Hell in a Cell’ undercard quite nicely.

Matt’s Smackdown Top Five:
1) The Wyatt Family (Easy to love a crew who chains up the Miz)
2) AJ Lee (Shaping up to be an all-time top five Diva wrestler)
3) Big E Langston (Kudos on making the main event, fella)
4) Paul Heyman & Ryback (Always love heels who bring out a guy to imitate the competition)
5) Daniel Bryan (He always shows that fire)

My Hell in a Cell Predictions:
WWE Title, Hell in a Cell: Randy Orton over Daniel Bryan
World Title: John Cena over Alberto Del Rio; Sandow cashes in on Cena
WWE Intercontinental Title: Big E Langston over Curtis Axel by DQ
WWE Tag Team Titles:
The Shield over Rhodes/Goldust and the Usos
WWE Divas Title: Brie Bella over AJ Lee
Hell in a Cell: CM Punk over Ryback and Paul Heyman
Los Matadores over the Real Americans

Other possible matches: Bray Wyatt over The Miz