Inside the Legends’ House – Episode #5

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Scott: Place to Be Nation, welcome to Episode #5 of your favorite show with Hall of Fame misfits and other sorted drunks, Legends’ House! Time for another journey to Palm Springs where the tension rises, the alcohol flows and we still haven’t decided if Ashley is annoying or hot, or both. I never do this alone, joining me as always is the guy who (like me) stopped watching NHL playoff hockey after last Wednesday night, Mr. Dan McGinn!
Dan: Scotty, always a pleasure. It’s also a pleasure seeing these legends in action each and every week. If PTBN is a department store and all the various sections represent areas of the store, you and I covering this program is easily the toy section. Either that or the XXX/Adult department after last week’s strip show. In any event, these things I know to be true: Fink is fat and makes me feel good about my own lack of physique, Ashley is hot but probably just a friend at this point and Hacksaw/Piper are freaken awesome! So with that, let’s get started!
Scott: Some of our readers may like that latter department. Anyway, we begin with a look back at last week when all the guys waxed themselves and we almost had a a Hacksaw/Atlas war. That may still happen. Oh and tan or pasty, Fink needs a treadmill, very badly. Whoa when did they add that Ashley bikini shot in the credits? Yikes. Tony talks with Mean Gene, and honestly Tony is socially stupid. I’m losing my patience with him, he seems to want to pick a fight with almost everybody. So your career fizzled out. How do you think Salvatore Bellomo feels? He’s helping Mean Gene work out, and he still has that swollen arm that looks nasty.
Dan: You know I’m going to comment on Gene wearing a sweater vest to work out. I may try that myself someday because as you know I have 12 of them hanging in my closet as I type this. Tony and Hillbilly now head to a butcher’s shop to pick up, for lack of a better term, meat. We’re talking pig’s feet, sausages, tails and we even saw them scoping out an entire pig head. Oh Wilber. He is some pig! He’s terrific! Gross, now Tony is eating what I believe to be a raw pig’s foot as he is leaving the store as if it’s a Snickers bar. Oh I bet this adventure goes over like a fart in church. Instantly Jimmy Hart is concerned and I don’t blame him. Hillbilly tells him he’s about to cook up and eat some “Bull Penis.” (Sorry Mom!) This is unquestionably television gold!
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What part of the bull is this Hillbilly? (Courtesy WWE.com)
Scott: That will NEVER be served on St. Mary’s Day! Jesus Chitlins? They bought like 60 pounds of it. There are WAY too many high maintenance people here. Tony really went over the deep end this time. He really hates these guys. The Chitlins smell like beer farts. Mean Gene is poker faced on Tony asking where the pig’s foot as Gene chucked it in the yard. Piper saying “Bull Dick” just made me spit my coffee across the living room. Hillbilly Jim is usually the voice of reason in this house but he hooked up with the wrong guy. Piper says fuck this and brings steaks out to the grill. That will widen the divide even more between Hacksaw and Atlas. Ah so Hillbilly snowed Jimmy Hart over and it’s NOT a bull penis. Absolutely ridiculous.
Dan: Hache Mache! Ashley in a yellow bikini alert! Holy Macaroni! We go from Bull Penis to “Holy Balls!” Okay back to the show. The guys are going to do some water aerobics and Ludvig Borga’s sister is teaching the class. The guys take this as seriously as the Main Event crew takes TNA disscussions. Lots of Howard is fat humor here as well as quality “noodle” jokes. The instructor was tough as nails though and I may actually be scared that she is going to read this some day and come after me. Holy cow Ashley is a smoke show! I feel like Paul E after he lost to Missy Hyatt at arm wrestling. Wow, what an obscure reference! In all seriousness, this was a fantastic segment particularly coming on the heels of all the shouting and turmoil from last week.
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You are welcome PTBN! (Courtesy WWE.com)
Scott: Boy El Gigante would love to lay it into her. And I mean Miss Borga. Ashley is amazing. Hillbilly and Jimmy are writing songs? “Don’t go messin’ with the OLD Country boy? So the next morning Ashley is back and she says that there is an art gallery in town and the guys get to make something for it. They try to include Tony and he pitches another hissy fit and runs out of the house, leaving his team in the dust. I’m done with him, he’s a high maintenance baby. Honestly he’s not even making the show fun, he’s being a douche bag. I agree with Hacksaw (and I’m saying that way too much) that he is a uptight prima donna. Being out of your comfort zone is what MAKES THE SHOW FUN. Hell Steve Corino does that to you Dan every week. Look what he’s turned you into!
Dan: Haha oh yeah! I’m kind of a big deal! I have 122 Twitter followers now (follow me @DmcG4881)! Tony finally gets over himself and helps Pat and Fink with some ideas. Good for him. Eventually that guy makes it to the destination but he needs to get lost and take the scenic route while ignoring directions the entire ride over. The fellas are really starting to get into this project. I especially enjoyed the simplicity of the handprint picture they did with the WWE logo in the middle. Pat is trying to sketch a hummingbird that is remarkably looking pretty amazing. Piper is being a goof and Jimmy is talking a great deal. Pat had an awesome story about how he taught Koko B Ware’s bird “Frankie” how to drop F-bombs. He also buried Mean Gene for not contributing and that legitamately made me laugh quite loudly. For a quickly thrown together assignment with a bunch of novice artists, they actually did an incredible job!
Scott: Yeah that may be the best project the guys worked together on this first season. They get to the gallery and are blown away by all the nice work they did. They are also blown away that there was nobody there. That’s not their fault, the show actually sandbagged them. The art festival is on another block. So Jimmy goes old school and brings the megaphone! Where’s the ROUGEAU BROTHERS???? This is the first time on the show where everybody kind of goes old school and gets on their “superstar” faces. Over all so far Dan this is the best episode of the season. Was that a POODLE? Yikes! Tony is trying to mack Ashley, she’s OUR girl Dan! Seems like people are actually bidding on the stuff. I’m impressed. Well, Dan who had the highest bid?
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This was one of the masterpieces sold for charity this week. (Courtesy WWE.com)
Dan: Well they say the auction raised over $1200 and everyone seemed genuinely happy with the results of the art show. Gene in particular said it was his favorite part so far of being in the Legends’ house. These guys looked to be in their element with this challenge. Once they got past the actual creating of art, they settled into their roles as celebrities schmoozing with the crowd and drumming up money for charity. I wish they told us what charity was benefiting from this event but that’s not going to kill the episode for me. Another triumph for this program and the network as a whole and I so hope they do this again and again because it is a certified hit. Scott, why don’t you take us home this week while I go re-watch that pool scene over and over and over again!
Scott: Love Ludvig’s sister that much eh? Don’t let El Gigante see you. Definitely the best episode of the season, but the underlying tension between Duggan and Atlas isn’t going away and you know that will be revisited in future episodes. It was nice for once that the guys can actually work together and get a common goal accomplished. For Dan and myself, thanks for joining us Place to Be Nation, and until next week, stay away from chitlins and pig’s feet!

Author: Dan McGinn

Dan McGinn is a former Minor League Baseball announcer, a five-star General in the #sweatervestarmy and an all around babyface who you should be happy to take home to dinner. He also happens to write about wrestling.