Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)
Dir: John Francis Daley; Jonathan Goldstein
Writers: Jonathan Goldstein; John Francis Daley; Michael Gilio
Starring: Chris Pine; Michelle Rodgriguez; Rege-Jean Page; Hugh Grant.
by Paul Bernardo paulieb2003@gmail.com
Hey guys – welcome back to my page. This week I would love to talk about a movie that was a popular game and a really bad ass cartoon in the 80’s that I was absolutely addicted to when I was a kid.
So I was hoping for something, anything like the cartoon, but that didn’t happen, and that’s okay. What did happen though, is really not okay.
First off, Jonathan Goldstein is a pretty good director, so I don’t know what happened here. He directed Game Night, which I liked, and he wrote Horrible Bosses, which I liked, and Spider-Man: Homecoming, which I liked. So I pretty much like his stuff – which makes me think he really could not do what he wanted here, or was hired to save the day. One or the other.
What makes me think about him saving the day is John Francis Dale somehow also got a Director credit – and he’s never directed anything before. So maybe he got in over his head? Maybe Jonathan was hired to save the project and finish it ? I don’t know, I’m just spitballing here.
Here’s what I do know – this movie is horrible. Chris Pine plays Chris Pine. The guy with the charm that has no idea what he’s doing but everyone listens to anyway? Like the Star Trek films, and Wonder Woman and every other film he’s in. So Chris is playing a character we are tired of already – nothing to do with D&D either, by the way.
Michelle Rodriguez, whom I adore – plays a Drax inspired character. She bulked up a bit, looks great and is all about violence and one liners, like Drax from Guardian of the Galaxy. So somebody threw in the towel there, and just said, “can you make her like Drax?”
Then you have a weak magician, like the cartoon but not as likable or funny or even young. This is no teenager, this is a guy who should know his magic by now.
Rounding out the cast is a shapeshifter of some kind, I believe she is a tiefling druid. Her name is Doric, and everyone likes her.
Ah – but the star of the show – the man who carries this whole movie and is head and shoulders above the rest is Hugh Grant! Yes Hugh Grant! Hugh plays the villain, and deliciously so. The screen lights up when he is in it – which proves how bad everyone else is in this thing. Hugh plays Forge. An old friend of Chris Pine – gone bad.
There is also a story about red witches that want to end the world – blah blah. I know – we hear it twice a year, every year – which is why this movie fails so badly. The main story is so old and cliche you could close your eyes and not miss a thing.
The acting is very tired, except for Hugh Grant who has a ton of fun being the bad guy. The plot is old hat, the CGI is normal, no big plot twist, nothing interesting. These guys took a beloved franchise hoping they would pack the seats with D&D fans. Maybe they did – but word spread real quick that this is not D&D quality. Not in terms of fun, fantasy, or imagination. It is just old, boring and more of the same, and I’m glad I watched it on a streaming platform instead of wasting money on popcorn and Jujyfruits.
If you love Chris Pine doing what he does, go see it. Otherwise skip it. Not worth the 2hrs and 14 mins this rambling boring movie happens to be. I mean 2hrs and 14 mins? For a horrible story? Why? Well that’s just one of the many things wrong with this.
Who has ever come out of a 3hr movie and was like, “wow! I wish this was longer!” If you can’t tell your story in 90min or 2hr, that means your story is to convoluted, complicated and confusing. I think this is a proven fact, I could be wrong. It’s definitely the majority.
Since 1939 there have only been a handful of 3 hr movies that were good. Gone With Wind, Godfather I&II, Scarface and Titanic. So that is 5 (more or less) films in 83 years. Not a good record – so you should probably shoot for the normal 2 hour mark. Thanks for reading – see ya next Thursday folks! Write me with any questions or comments!
