A Just Different Enough Alternative: NXT 4-3-2015

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The last couple of shows have left me worried about what NXT is going to be going forward. Let’s hope this week will be an improvement.

NXT 4-3-2015

We start with a setup for Kevin Owens vs. Finn Balor…which quickly devolves into Owens vs. Alex Riley. They replay the nonsense that overshadowed last weeks solid main event and I cringe again as Riley says, “I’m a man. And as a man, I wouldn’t have done that to my friend.” Ugh. Men don’t have to say they’re men, they just act like it. The only time you should call yourself a man is if you’re Will Ferrell trying to convince Pierce Brosnan to come and work for you.

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Anybody in this office take a run at me!

We’re now in Regal’s office and Riley is performing blocking before overacting. There’s too much breath and not nearly enough truth in his voice. Regal won’t give him Owens unless he gives up being a commentator. Suddenly I’m very behind this feud. Awesome moment sees Regal pleading with Riley to think about it as it’s impossible to balance both with the prep each takes. He mentions his awesome match with Cesaro and how he was destroyed and hasn’t wrestled since. Riley has to think about it. Ok…

Match # 1 Adam Rose Vs. Tyler Breeze

Adam Rose is waaaaaaay too happy to be back in the minors. He prances around the ring apparently has completely forgiven his Rosebuds for all the betrayals on Raw. Eh no one should be watching that shit anyways. Tyler Breeze makes his tremendous entrance and I am just a little enraged with the kids today with their Pokémon and their selfie sticks. Seriously why are there so many selfie sticks in wrestling??? The Rosebuds dance to Breeze’s entrance in a nice touch. Just as I’m thinking, ” you know I’m glad Rose is getting another shot, maybe he’ll be better down here,” Stall-Fest 2015 begins. Seriously these guys would make Randy Savage and Jerry Lawler jealous of their tremendous prowess.

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Look what staling got me!

We’ve seen Breeze in some classic matches on NXT ad he’s relegated to this garbage. Albert assures us that Rose is “here to have a good time. ” Phew! Good thing he’s not here to win titles or be a wrestler, cause he’s not going to accomplish either of those things hanging on the ropes and feigning kicking Breeze in the face. Breeze, of course, is apparently an idiot now and walks right into it. What the fuck is going on? I watch this show to not have to sit through shit like this. Breeze wins with a spin kick and then “hilariously” has to fight his way past the dancing Rosebuds. Seriously get this off my TV. Breeze is a guy they could be doing decent stuff with. This is a waste and awful.

We get still photos of the Women’s title match from Rivals. Wasn’t the whole point of the still photos not to show too much so people would order the replay? The replay you can watch for free on the god-damned network? Boy that first match put me in a shitty mood.

We get Enzo, Big Cass and Carmella talking about Blake and Murphy. It’s juts cliché after cliché from the group ranging from decent (Cass) to awful (Carmella). Enzo is great though and makes the dumbest lines work with his serious delivery. ” Papa’s gonna bring home the bacon.” He believes it so we believe it.

You know sometimes when you can never have imagined two things together it’s because it makes no fucking sense to put them together. You don’t eat steak with a straw and the world didn’t need a Flintstones/ WWE cross-over. Who in the hell thought there was a demand for this?

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Seriously what the fuck is this?

Match # 2 Blake and Murphy Vs. The Steiner Brothers.

Blake and Murphy’s music can only be described as rave/seizure. It turns out their opponents are Angelo Dawkins and Sawyer Fulton. The commentators are high on them, but they get killed and finished with a cool suplex/frog splash combo. The frog splash was like 3/4 of the ring away so I’m really looking forward to more Blake and Murphy. A word on the stupid names they give people. Does the WWE think we’re dumb? (yes) do they feel that we won’t notice that they just mix two already famous or fictional people’s names together? (of course they do) “Hey remember Angelo Mosca pal? How about Darryl Dawkins? Huh? Boy I sure liked Bobby Fulton. You ever read Tom Sawyer? No? Me neither? Tom Fulton? No that makes too much sense. Sawyer Fulton! There we go! Next guy up we’ll name Han Pitt, or Clooney Dumpty! They’ll be stars…”

Backstage Bayley wishes Charlotte luck for her match tonight. Charlotte screams ” I hate you dad!” I mean.. she screams ” SASHA! Will need the luck.” As good as she is in the ring she really needs to drop the sixteen year old bitch demeanor. Speaking of bitches here comes Emma to make Bayley feel awful about herself. As awkward as this segment was, I like it. It sets up Charlotte vs. Bayley and Emma Vs. Bayley all within a minute. At least in the minor leagues they bother to give everyone a storyline.

In case you were wondering there’s still no wrestling in the promo for WRESTLEmania. Just posing set to annoying music.

We get a recap of Rhyno’s return and career. Hey there’s noted asshole Bill Demott! They’re really going the distance to make Rhyno into a big deal. On Raw JBL would be calling him fat or old and urging us to change the channel or kill ourselves. Also: why does a guy who was always shitty in the ring get to train everyone? KENTA must have laughed in his face when Bill tried to “teach him how to work.”

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Awwww. Coach Demott says I’m not Hugh Morrus enough…

Match # 3 Baron Corbin Vs. “Fat” Tony Briggs

This match is not helping my opinion of this show. Why is Corbin so sad? What happened to him? Id that going to be his gimmick going forward. Baron Corbin: sad wolf. No one wants to watch a sad wolf. We want our wolves to either be dangerous or jovial. The commentators go on and on about his presence, which can only be described as boring. He’s been on TV for six months and has done the same thing every single time he’s been out. Stop telling us to look into his sad, dead eyes! I don’t want to feel sad when I’m watching wrestling.

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It’s ok Buddy…

It’s a punch and an end of days at that’s the end of “Paunchy” Tony Briggs. We get a long shot of Corbin standing there, perhaps longing for his pack, with the prettiest of birds tattooed on his chest.

Now they do more Owens vs. Riley. Owens comes out and gets in his face and pours water all over “The Analyst” Albert does his best hold Riley back by continuing to say ” You have a mortgage, you have friends, you have a family” He says this more than once. Are we to believe that the commentators make more that the guys in the ring? Albert also looks like he’s never, ever had to break up a fight in his life. This is awful, but at least this week they do it during the boring Baron Corbin squash, instead of pulling all the focus away from the returning superstar and the new number one contender.

Zayn is in Montreal, and being from Montreal I’m immediately trying to figure out what corner he’s standing on. He promo is concise and believable. He’s not mentally ready to come back and he needs more time. He says he needs to find some perspective. If this leads to him finding a wooden ventriloquist doll behind the old Montreal Forum I’m going to hang myself. Please don’t take too long to come back. My sanity needs you back on the show.

CJ Parker is yelling. Alex Riley is yelling. Riley has to sign a performer’s contract and will only get Owens when Regal thinks he’s ready. Whatever as long as he’s off commentary.

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The most exposure I’ll get all week!

Match # 4 Solomon Crowe Vs. Bull Dempsey

So Dempsey’s just a jobber now? Crowe’s entrance is pretty cool but as soon as he takes his jacket off he looks like a grown up Bam Bam Rubble.

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Ahhh there’s the tie-in.

How dare Dempsey yell at Crowe that “This is my house,” after all the beatings he’s taken in recent weeks. This is an awful debut match, Nothing happens, Crowe hit two sloppy moves and wins. When did NXT become a jobber show?

Match # 5 Sasha Banks Vs. Charlotte

As much credibility as they’ve given to the women on NXT it almost fades away when we get the magical fairy sound over the women’s title graphic. Yep that sure matches the intensity we’re about to experience. Jeremy Renner is your referee tonight and these two have a fine match. It’s a good match by any standard and at no point do you need to qualify it by saying “for the women”. Their chemistry is good and the submission spots near the end all look painful and legitimate. How dare any of the main roster divas say either of these two need any more work when they put on this kind of match? What’s cool about Charlotte and Sasha is that they’re constantly trying new things and trying to outdo the match before. This one fell a bit short of some of their past encounters but still very good. Sasha wins on a roll up with her feet on the ropes that the referee should definitely have seen given his position. Pffft. Hawkeye my ass.

Best Match: Sasha Banks Vs Charlotte
Worst Match: Adam Rose Vs Tyler Breeze
Best Promo/Skit: Sami Zayn and I chillin’ on Mount Royal
Worst Promo/Skit: Charlotte is UPSET! (didn’t even have to change it from last week)
MVP: Sasha Banks

What Worked Really Well

– The women’s title match was very good.

– They bother to give everyone a storyline on the show. Man or woman.

– Regal in every scene he’s in.

What Sort Of Works

– I want Solomon Crowe to be better.

– For the most part, the commentary didn’t take away from the product. Imagine. I’m happy when the commentary doesn’t ruin the show. Monsoon is rolling as we speak.

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Yes sir.

What Didn’t Work

– The Adam Rose/ Tyler Breeze match was atrocious and ruined the show.

– Every match except the main event was a waste of time and didn’t help anyone.

– Do we need a guy who hasn’t been relevant in years in a feud with the hot new champion?

– The commercials are unnecessary and intrusive.

So Why Should I Watch This Instead Of Raw?

I’m not sure you should. I’m not saying watch Raw, but this show stunk. All the stuff I hate about the main product was on display here, sure you had a good main, but you get good wrestling on Raw and Smackdown too. The showcased all the wrong guys this week in the worst possible way. It feel like night and day from a few weeks ago. Seriously when did NXT become a squash match show?

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Live next week!

Thanks for Reading! See You Next Week!