Ring of Honor has been around for thirteen years and I am horribly ashamed I’ve only gotten into it recently. I’m going to keep watching their show and recapping it as it’s something that every fan of professional wrestling should get behind. One of the best things about this show is you can watch it right here. I’m probably going to gush… be warned…
RING OF HONOR TELEVISION 4-25-2015
Apologies for being MIA for the past two weeks. Blame it on a crazy work week mixed with a wife that’s about to burst a child out and well…my time has been stretched. I’d be remiss though if I didn’t mention the great Donovan Dijak/Dalton Castle match from last week. Just really solid stuff from both guys. I didn’t take a lot of notes on last week’s show, but I remember liking it quite a lot and laughing a ton at Kelly and Corino. Enough about last week, let’s do this!
Cold open sees The Addiction talking about what it means to be the best. We get a short history of the two previous times they’ve come up short against ReDRagon, a short history that immediately ups the stakes of the impending match. This segment is so heartfelt and almost makes me want to see these grizzled veterans beat my favorite tag team. They need to be the knights and put on their suits of armor to slay the dragon. Believe it or not they made that line sound decent. This was a great little segment that makes the main event seem like the most important thing in the world.
We are in San Antonio. I love San Antonio, the river walk is as beautiful as the Alamo is disappointing. Seriously why the hell were they fighting so hard for a building smaller than my apartment? And I live in squalor! SQUALOR! Perhaps being Canadian I’m missing some important historical background, but as a twenty year-old standing next to that decrepit shack, you can imagine how much I was wishing it was the day earlier when we went to Six Flags. Fuck the Alamo, remember to hit Six Flags instead.
Before we even get started Corino stresses that if the Addiction don’t win the titles tonight they may have to disband. Keep building that main event guys…it’s working.
Blowjob Whitmer is out. (I’m done with the innuendo) Kevin takes the time to recap the saga of Colby Corino becoming the Decade’s new young boy. In case you were wondering I’m still very uncomfortable with that job title. Kevin needs to know if Steve has spoken to his son. It’s weird to hear announcers summing up a storyline in the time it takes a wrestler to make his entrance. Usually it takes six hours a week to get across the idea that John Cena loves America.
Match #1 Fellatio Whitmer Vs. Will Ferrara Vs. Caprice Coleman Vs. Moose.
This is a four corners survival match where people can join the match by tagging or by jumping in when someone its the floor. I like the format, it makes the match move, which again is only common sense since there are four guys involved in the match. Veda Scott makes me happy to be a wrestling fan but she seems to be having trouble with the rhythm of the Moose chant as the big guy makes his way to the ring. I wouldn’t mind sitting down with Scott to discuss a parking ticket/assault and battery I’m involved in. Let’s put those lawyering skills to the test Veda.
A question for the great citizens of San Antonio: What the fuck is up with the obsession with the test of strength? Do you feel inadequate because your town is known for a building that’s dwarfed by the local Dairy Queen? I promise I will let this small Alamo thing go if someone will just bring me some damn iced cream. Corino seems to think that Moose is just a great guy surrounded with bad influences. He may be right but it certainly isn’t the influences that kicked the shit out of Will Ferrara’s face. Whitmer slips in and takes control, while Ferrara is hurt. He’s playing quite the chicken shit here, and as much as I generally don’t enjoy him, he’s really nailing the douche bag bully here. Whitmer pounds away and the crowd chants for Jimmy Jacobs. He’s been exiled apparently. You’ve got to give it to the Decade for getting all these weird sayings over: Exiled. Young boy. BJ. They’re making all kinds of stuff work.
If Ring of Honor has taught me nothing else it is where to turn if I have knee and back pain.
We’re back from break and Moose finally gets in there and murders Hummer Whitmer. Coleman tags himself in and hits a very sloppy hurricanrana on Moose. Moose really needs to learn to take that move properly. The match really starts to pick up, everyone’s hitting their planchas and dives to the outside and it’s in this exact moment that the clearly voiced over ad for “the codeline” hits. Come on production guys, there were more than enough lulls to this point to plug the hotline. Why do it when the announcers are clearly getting excited about the match?
That gripe aside the match really does start chugging along nicely here. Moose even hits a somersault dive to the outside. While you’re picturing the ex-football player doing that, take the time to picture an actual moose trying a somersault, obviously crashing down on his enormous antlers before turning into a quivering mass of shame and paralysis.
Coleman and Ferarra have a great sequence together but Moose (the human) comes in and destroys Coleman with a clothesline after tossing him in the air. I popped pretty big for that one and woke up my son. Moose then hits the best spear in the business on Coleman before getting shoved out of the ring by Dirty Knees Whitmer, who in turn steals the pin on Coleman. Decent match.
Whitmer, shit eating grin plastered on his face, bad mouths Moose before refusing to fight the “big goofy bastard” tonight. All right then…
We’re back from break and the Decade is still in the ring. Great… But Adam Page is speaking so I’m immediately relieved. Page is bitching about attitude, charisma and heart and I have a sneaking suspicion he’s talking about ACH. He mentions all the high profile losses to Samoa Joe, AJ Styles and Alberto El Patron all while talking to an ACH shirt draped across a chair. Now I’m like eighty percent sure he’s talking about ACH. Page is pissed about the opportunities that he hasn’t had. Dr. Page even takes the time to diagnose ACH as being empty and hollow on the inside. Man this is getting deep. He then goes on to mention that ACH hasn’t been the same since he saw his cat get raped by large black cat on his balcony. And that’s not racist because the cat was actually black. That also wasn’t at all what Page was talking about but apparently I’m still not over Denny Crane’s sexual assault. Page wants to erase the letters ACH from Ring Of Honor, which will no doubt lead to him being called Dm Pge. At least his pal can still be Cocksucker Whitmer. Adam’s going to do the unthinkable and burn ACH’s shirt. Which of course brings out our hero ACH.
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” That’s how we know ACH is serious. He calls a spade a spade (again not being racist, my cat was raped) and says that Page could have had the opportunities if he hadn’t tucked his tail between his legs and gone off with BJ. Again what’s with the wording of all the Decade stuff. They fight and a ref comes out and declares it a match. I love it!
Mach # 2 ACH Vs. Adam Page
This is a nothing match as it lasts about a minute or so with lots of interference. It ends with Page nailing ACH with the reverse tombstone for the win. This was more storytelling than anything else, but good storytelling that actually makes me want to see a match between these two. See, just keep it simple. Page is jealous of the uber-talented ACH, wants to proves he’s as good, they fight. Simple and effective. I bet the payoff will be great too.
Tag title match is next. Is this the end of the Addiction???
We get a promo for the upcoming Global Wars and War of the Worlds. I can’t begin to describe how excited I am to see these shows. If I could convince my pregnant wife to take care of our two kids I would go to all four. It’s such a brilliant cross-promotional move for both companies, it’s a also a complete no-brainer. Why wouldn’t you do this? Why wouldn’t you want the best worker in your company to wrestle one of the best workers in the world in a matchup that would only garner more exposure for both companies and help everyone grow. Oh. Cause you’re a psychopath who’s angered that there’s any professional wrestling outside your bland, tired kingdom? Got it.
Michael Elgin cuts a natural little promo. He’s coming for War Machine. Can’t say this guy doesn’t have balls. I was lukewarm on Elgin for a while but he’s winning me over each and every week. My maple leaf heart is swelling a little.
Match #3 ReDRagon Vs. The Addiction
Here we go with the main even for the ROH tag team titles. The Addiction makes their way to the ring to their awesome music and receive ALL THE STREAMERS from the fans. ReDRagon is just as popular though and they exude more and more star power every time I see them. This match feels important as hell and I’m jacked to see it. But first we need to go to break.
Truth Martini is extremely happy to tell us about Super Beta Prostate. Another satisfied customer? I guess he needed to urinate throughout the night? Has his quality of life improved? Tell us Truth!!!! I’ve seen this commercial so many times!!!
Who’s nerdier? Kazarian for having the Shield logo on his tights or me for recognizing what it is? It’s me for spending hours of my free time writing about wrestling. This is fantastic tag team wrestling. The double team moves are sublime, the action moves at a frenetic yet controlled pace and you’re totally invested int he match from the first bell. There’s even awesome insight from Corino as he goes on about being careful what body parts you cover with braces. The more you cover something, the more you make it a target for your opponents. It’s the kind of insight that commentators are usually too busy having fun to mention.
All four of these guys are great. Fish carries the charisma end while O’Reilly just destroys people with strikes and submissions. Kazarian and Daniels both look great and keep up with the champs throughout. Daniels has completely improved from his dying days in TNA where he acted like he didn’t give a shit who saw. I don’t have a ton of notes for the match I was just sucked in and digging every minute of it. After a solid twenty or so minutes Eyes Wide Shut interfere and super kick O’Reilly behind everyone’s back. The sufficiently weakens him enough for the Addiction to nail him with their wonderful “celebrity rehab,” finish for the pin and the titles!!! Kazarian and Daniels look so happy. That’s it! That’s what wrestling is about! When you win an important match you act like it’s the most important thing you’ve ever done. Just great stuff here which totally pays off what they’ve been building to the whole show.
ReDRagon gets their hands on Eyes Wide Shut. Thy unmask him int he ring and it’s… it’s… CHRIS SABIN!!! Then the Addiction nail ReDRagon with the belts. The Addiction have been Eyes Wide Shut all along!!!! Maybe I’m naive (and haven’t watched Lockdown 2013 recently) but I did not see that coming. They bloody Kyle O’Reilly before leaving to Bobby Fish’s protestations. “That’s the only way they can take us out Kevin! 700 days on top of this promotion and they let this shit happen!” We’re out for the week and everyone is more over than they were before the match. Great show!
Best Match: ReDRagon Vs. The Addiction
Worst Match: BJ Whitmer Vs. Will Ferrara Vs. Caprice Coleman Vs. Moose
Best Promo/Skit: Cold open with The Addiction needing to win.
Worst Promo/Skit: BJ Whitmer taunting Moose.
MVP: The Addiction
What Worked Really Well
The tag match was fantastic.
The commentary was insightful and fun.
I’m in for the inevitable ACH and Adam Page blow off.
The Addiction’s heel turn made sense. They spent the night building to them needing to win the titles, highlighting the fact that ReDRagon keeps beating them all the while hinting that the fans have really taken to ReDRagon. It also plays off Daniel’s weird past. Of course he’s watched Eyes Wide Shut. Or course he owns a neutral mask. I either wanted a new addition to the roster or a legit surprise under those masks. I got the surprise, but was also gifted a logical turn and Chris Sabin. I’m happy. Oh and we also get a pissed off ReDRagon chasing the belts now. They could make this show all about the tag belts and I’d be happier than if I was receiving a Whitmer.
What Sort Of Works
The four way opener was ok. Everyone is improving who needs to improve, unfortunately some are regressing as well. Middle of the road match that would still stand out as good on Raw or Smackdown.
What Didn’t Work
I’m really disappointed that they spoiled the main event a few days before by telling us who the tag champs were going into Global Wars. All the promo matches they announced last week listed The Addiction as the tag champs. I’m unsure why they’d do that. All my complaints about ROH are always on the production side of things. The story of the Addiction needing to win would have meant so much more if I wasn’t already told they were winning. A bit of a bush league move.
So Why Should I Watch This Instead Of Raw?
Because the promotion cares about the raw emotions you can feel while watching pro wrestling. I love ReDRagon but they built it up so well I wanted The Addition to win. Then I was fooled by a turn that made complete sense in hindsight. It’s great wrestling that’s supported by strong writing.
Thanks for reading! See ya next week!